Last Man Standing
by OfficialBacon
Summary: Being a human in Equestria was supposed to be a dream come true. A whole new world to live in, with none of the problems of our own and plenty of happiness to go around. Unfortunately, being one of the best mercenaries of your day doesn't leave much time for you to relax, and being called in as a bodyguard for the Princesses wasn't really what I had in mind.
1. Chapter 1

I'd never been overly talented at any particular profession. Nobody's fault, really, and so I didn't go blaming people melodramatically like a lot of people do. For that matter, I never even drew an unemployment check. I lived off of odd jobs around town, things that nobody else was willing to do.

I rescind my former statement. I was good at two things, neither one of which was really career material. I was good at singing, and I excelled at extermination. Extermination being read there as assassination. Of course, as I stated above, not exactly career material.

Right up until about a year ago, that is. On March 12th, at exactly 10:00 A.M., when both of them came through underneath the Golden Gate Bridge. Naturally, the first response was from the police, then the National Guard and the HAZMAT squad, right on up to the White House. Legislation ran along as it will do, and suddenly we've got ourselves a new set of interplanetary allies.

I was there on the day they were first introduced on Capital Hill, and purely out of fascination I used my savings to follow their tour of the globe as far as I could go. I was forced to stop just before the final meeting due to a lack of funds, but I'd seen enough. This was growing far too popular to just be a fad. The night I returned to my humble little apartment I began planning my new life in the land soon to be opened to humanity.

That was a long year. It took two full months to get transit up and running just because of the red tape, and finally when it did open up, it was a mad scramble to get to the new land known as Equestria. It finally became something of a need issue when the United Nations started intentionally asking after folks who had skills that could support them in the new society. I was one of the lucky ones, being one of maybe five reliable carpenters in a hundred mile radius. I got called to San Francisco on June 1st, two days before my birthday.

The portal didn't look like much, even after I'd been briefed on it's operation. Nothing but a haze in midair, like what comes off of concrete in summer. Despite my misgivings, I stepped through and was swept into a rushing wind amongst a lot of chatter. I realized that my eyes were closed and I pried them open to reveal a small crowd of ponies and humans mingling.

Don't get me wrong, I'd become somewhat used to the prospect of talking ponies before I'd come here, but seeing them en masse like this was something new entirely. Just as I'd adjusted myself to the sight, one of them approached me. She was wearing an adorable 50s style nurse's cap, and I had just realized that she was in fact a nurse when she spoke. "So, you must be...Mr. Terreson?" I nodded. "Alrighty then. If I could just have you fill this out right quick, we'll get you set...oh?" I raised an eyebrow. I was used to customs, but I wasn't overly used to 'oh?'.

"Something wrong?" She glanced up, her pupils dilating as I spoke. I chided myself silently. I'd had to keep my voice low ever since the age of sixteen. A common problem of mine was the simple fact that until I start singing my voice sounds like Elvis. Once I start a song, I can be anyone I want, but just talking to a girl casually gives me an almost unfair advantage, even if they've never listened to the King in their lives. It's just the voice.

"Well, I've got an order form here for you that says you'll need to check in with...wait a minute, that can't be right. He hasn't been here for almost a year now." She turned, clearly meaning to summon her superior when suddenly her eyes bulged. I turned to see what the deal was and was immediately greeted to the sight of a unicorn stallion. His coat was solid white, his mane was a two-tone blue, and he radiated authority like a general. "P-Prince Shining Armor!" She dropped to a kneel immediately, but he rolled his eyes and lifted her back up with his magic.

"Would you happen to be Joseph K. Terreson?" His look was directed very clearly at me, and I realized right about now that the room had gone silent. Sure, put me on the spot, why don't you?

"Yes sir, I would." He nodded satisfactorily.

"I appreciate you being here early. If you'd come with me, please." He strolled across the room through a door at the back, leaving me to follow him or be stared to death by the lovestruck mares and dumbstruck humans.

I made to the back room just as he spun around to see me once again. "So, Mr. Terreson, I understand you're something of a...professional?" Well, there were a lot of ways to answer that, so let's narrow it down a little.

"To what field do you refer, sir?" He chuckled, flipping up a piece of paper out of his breastplate.

"Let's see here...marksman records with a standard rifle never less than 39/40...ninth degree black belt in both jujitsu and kung fu...wanted for sniper school at least three times...and you've competed for the world record in pistol fast-drawing. Twice. In fact, the only reason you're not in Special Operations right now is because of a temporary shoulder wound that was misdiagnosed and put you out of the Marines, am I right?" I chuckled a little at his calm demeanor while reading all of that off. To be fair, he probably didn't find it that impressive, considering how little experience he had had with humans. I'd heard about Shining Armor once or twice. He reportedly spent most of his time in the Crystal Empire with his wife, Princess Cadance.

"Well, I never made the record, but yes, all of the above is true. What about it?" I felt a bit odd speaking to a prince in that fashion, but something told me he didn't really care about how I spoke to him.

"Look, Joseph. An increasing problem in Equestria with the influx of humans is the simple fact that violence happens. It's everypony's fault, really, but we're not going to stop it without stopping the traffic entirely, so we need to find ways to manage it. Dozens of your people have been hired already as peacekeepers, so that's not what we need you for." Good grief, could he beat around the bush a little more about it?

He seemed to sense my discomfort with his manner of speaking and paused, taking a breath. "How would you like to be a personal guard for Princess Celestia?" I will admit, hearing that said aloud threw me for a loop. I clapped a hand to my chin and started rubbing, not even thinking of what I was doing. I mean, honestly, I had just learned basic Equestrian etiquette a week ago. I knew I wasn't supposed to show teeth when I smiled and I wasn't supposed to eat meat. No big deal there. Also, never bring up the subject of glue. But being the guard of Princess Celestia herself...

"Why me?" He shrugged before he began speaking again, indicating that he really didn't want to offend me with what he said, but it was still the truth.

"Human society was built on violence and peace coming back and forth in waves. We've understood that from the beginning, and we overlook it because we like who you've become as a people. We have enough to offer one another that the risk of violence is lowered. But as much as I hate to say it..."

"Humans are still a violent people. I know. And bringing us to a setting this defenseless is just asking for that to come out in a bad way. So you want me, the best you could find without breaking a military contract, to come in and make sure you at least keep your own cosmos in order." He shrugged again, nodding slowly. "Well, it beats building mailboxes. I'm in." He grinned pleasantly.

"Excellent. We'll have your kit brought in and you'll be reporting to Canterlot Castle in two hours." I raised an eyebrow.

"My kit?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Your weapons kit and the standard out-wash for magic immunity. See?" His horn sparked, but unlike usual, nothing happened. He furrowed his brow and tried once more. I looked around for some sign as to exactly what he was doing, but to no avail. Finally he gave up and gave me a strange look. "Incredible. I've never met a human with that much magic tolerance. I bet Twily would love to meet you." I blanched a little here.

"As in Princess Twilight?" It took me a moment to realize that the two of them were siblings. "Oh. Well, if you say so." He gave a confused look at me as I followed him out of the back room and through the registration office, straight out the front door.

The city was gigantic, even larger than I was expecting. It looked a bit like New York, actually, but without the Empire State Building. Still, quite impressive for a society that existed without the use of fingers.

"I imagine you can find Canterlot Castle on your own." I spun around once, making sure I could in fact see the gargantuan castle rising above the skyline. "Make sure you're there in two hours, and in the meantime I'd suggest finding a clearing so the mailpony can find you. Once your kit is delivered, you'll be ready to start. Good luck, Mr. Terreson." I looked down at him, only now realizing how short these ponies were. He only came up to my waist, and yet he radiated such utter confidence and authority. Strange people, these ponies.

"Thank you, sir."

**This is going to be one of my more serious stories, so please don't expect to see any major humor here, but that's not to say I won't use references. For example, in paragraph 3, there's a reference to one of my favorite franchises of all time. Please leave a review if you caught it, and I'll see you in the next one.**


	2. Chapter 2

I had managed to find myself a bench after about fifteen minutes of searching and was now sharing it with a very interesting teal colored mare. She sat almost like a human would, and continually stared at me with fascination. After a time I had to say something just to break the silence.

"Is there something on my face?" She shook herself quickly.

"Oh...no, sorry. It's just...I've always been fascinated with humans but I've never really had an excuse to talk to one." She spoke quickly now, as if she were embarrassed of what she was saying.

"You don't need an excuse, you know. We're just like you, only we just have the two legs." I gestured to my lower half.

"Y-yeah, but..." Something was clearly wrong, but I let her finish. "Well, I've never met a human, honestly. I keep feeling afraid that when I finally do...it won't be what I expected." I understood very clearly what she meant, but I remained silent for a few more seconds while I got my reply in order.

"Well, you're never going to know unless you try." The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them. She looked at me in surprise, clearly not expecting such a calm answer. "Think about it. Humans as a people really haven't changed much in the entire time we've existed, despite what we'd like to think. We still live, we still die, we still wage war and we still make love. Don't get me wrong, we've gotten more efficient at doing it, but as far as our society goes, we're still the same we were when we first learned how to farm. So if you think humans are going to do something from past references, odds are your expectations will hold up pretty well." Her face lit up.

"Do you really think so?" I turned back to the street, chuckling to myself.

"I do. I might have a little insight into the matter." She shook herself again, only now remembering that she wasn't talking to another pony. Just then, another man strolled right in front of us, whistling giddily. It was good to see so many people so happy to be alive. I liked what this place was doing to everyone who came here. "Hey. Go talk to him." She stared at me as if I were crazy.

"W-What? How?" I shrugged.

"Talk about something that fascinates you. Ask him what it's like to have fingers, or where he comes from on Earth, I don't know. But you're never going to get anywhere with humans if you don't start talking to them." She gulped as she slid down from the bench, glancing from me to the man.

"You know, I never did catch your name. Before I go, could you tell me?" I leaned back, closing my eyes and letting the beautiful sunlight wash over my face.

"Terreson. Joseph K. Terreson. And you?" I heard her hooves begin to clop along the pavement as she walked away.

"Lyra Heartstrings. Oh, and thanks." I felt a tiny pair of somethings on my cheek and then the sound of hooves galloping off down the street. I smiled lightly. She smelled like mint, and the fact that I had just been given a peck on the cheek by the most adorable creature I'd ever seen helped the happiness flow just a little faster.

I'm not sure how long I spent leaning back on that bench, but when I finally opened my eyes again I was greeted to the sight of a big pair of off-matched yellow eyes. I leaned back a little farther, trying to get the full view of the face pressed against my own, and was relieved to learn that this was in fact the mailpony that Shining Armor had referred to. She glanced over at the bag she had set next to me and then back to me, hovering backwards a little bit and landing on the ground in front of me. Good grief, she was even shorter than he had been, only coming up to my thighs.

"Are you Mr...Teerson?" I chuckled, leaning the bag across the bench to open it up and check the contents.

"Yes, I'm Joseph Terreson. And you are?" She grinned happily.

"My name's Derpy. Derpy Hooves." I paused at the utter adorableness that was this pegasus. She looked so ridiculously happy that I just wanted to squeeze her into my chest and lay on the bench with her for the rest of the day. But then my focus drifted back to her eyes and I realized a little something. She was the first pony I'd seen with any kind of physical imperfection, even in a huge city like this. In mere seconds, reflections of my own world passed through my head and I was forced to shake them out or else I might have started crying for her. Being such an oddball, even in such a happy place, had to have been a purgatory for her. There were always those willing to put you down, that much I was sure of, and when it came for someone like this in a world like this...I shook the thoughts out again. There was no time for that. Instead of tears, I reached across the bench and placed a hand on each of her shoulders, pulling her in a little closer to me. She gave me an odd look but didn't resist any. I wrapped both arms around her, pulling her in close for a hug and enjoying the perfect warmth and fluff her fur provided.

As I let her out of my grip, she shook herself and cocked her head at me. "That was for delivering my mail." I'm a terrible liar, but she didn't seem to catch it. "And this..." I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a handful of Bits, which were the local currency. Luckily they had a money changer on the way through Earth customs. "This is for snacks on the way back." Her eyes bulged. Admittedly, I wasn't quite sure about the money system yet, but I didn't really care how high the amount I'd given her was. She could keep it.

"Mister, I can't take all this! Muffins are only three bits, and you need some to get your own." At this point I could hardly stand it any longer. I'd finally been able to pinpoint what this experience was like. It was like talking to a kid who doesn't understand that what they give you won't help, but they're willing to give everything they've got anyway. It's the most tearjerking thing you'll ever see, and yet I couldn't take it back. I lifted my hand up, placing it on her head and rubbing my fingers through her mane. Her grin widened out a little bit, making her look like a puppy getting a belly rub.

"Keep it. I won't need it where I'm going. You just make sure that you see me again, alright?" She nodded enthusiastically, lifting into the air again. As she sped off, I looked back down at my bag and began working on the latches.

After about a minute I had it opened and was greeted to the sight of my full weapons stash. There was my 30/30, my '22 long rifle, five boxes of ammunition for both, and underneath it all, my personal favorite. It may not have been the strongest of the lot, and maybe not the most accurate either, but it was my favorite. Making sure to keep my hands inside the bag, I lifted my Colt Peacemaker up and examined it. I'd cleaned it just before I left, mostly for something to pass the time while I waited for my paperwork to go through, and it was still just as beautiful as ever. Beneath all of these was a Kevlar vest and a few bits and bobs of identification and paperwork, but everything important was here. I stretched and lifted myself off of the bench, grabbing my kit and setting off for Canterlot Castle.

The sun was almost down by the time I got there, but I was right on time. As I approached the front door, the two slightly overbuffed guards stepped in front of me, crossing their spears in an attempt to be intimidating. "Sorry, buddy. No entry this time of day."

"I'm expected." They glanced at one another.

"You sure about that?" I nodded, grinning confidently. Suddenly the door began to creak open from the inside and light spilled from within. Both of the guards spun around, falling to their knees. I knelt as well, having a pretty decent idea of who was behind that door.

"Gentlemen, if you would be so kind as to allow our guest in." They straightened up immediately and stepped aside, allowing me passage through the door. I looked up and was greeted to the sight of a beautiful white mare, a mare who could be none other than Princess Celestia. I stood before her, realizing that she came up to my chest when I stood. "And you must be Mr. Terreson." She sighed, causing me to raise an eyebrow in concern. "Come with me, please." I followed her through the huge door, glancing back and forth at both sides of the huge room. It was like the Taj Mahal, but indescribably more grand. I couldn't have told you in words what it was, but this place seemed like the only area suitable for someone of her grandeur. Of course, thinking such a thing brought me back to the past, when she'd seemed disappointed to see me.

"Milady, may I ask you a question?"

"I believe you just did." She seemed lighthearted enough, but I could tell there was a lot of weight on her shoulders.

"Why did you look disappointed earlier? When you first saw me?" She slowed, allowing me to come up beside her.

"For a few reasons, none of them having to do with you personally. I know you're here to take the post of mine and Luna's bodyguard, but I personally don't want anypony to feel obligated to protect me. It's always been the other way around, if you understand my meaning." I did indeed understand, but that didn't lessen my confusion any when she continued speaking. "Why do you believe I would need a bodyguard, Mr. Terreson?" I thought for a moment, not used to people asking that particular question.

"Because there are other people like me out there. People who are so good at destroying they can't be touched. Only they exercise their ability, and not on bags. They destroy people, and they have fun doing it." Celestia raised an eyebrow at me.

"You believe that there are no ponies with that mindset and ability? Have you not heard of King Sombra?" I had, and it took me another few moments of silence to come up with a suitable reply that got my point across.

"Princess, while Sombra was evil and incredibly powerful, what I'm referring to isn't evil by definition. You and Luna have been taking technology courses alternating weeks, correct?" She nodded, grinning slightly.

"Yes, I find them rather fascinating. Not so much as Luna, though. She is rapidly becoming what you might refer to as a 'gamer'." I smirked, but continued my statement.

"If you've learned anything about computers, then you know that all hard drives have a single line of basic code that cannot be changed or deleted." She nodded. "Well, humans are much like that. We have a single instinct, ingrained deeper in our minds than anything else, and it can't be taken out. It can be covered up, and you can put in things that counter it, but you can't get rid of it. It's usually referred to as the Prime Directive, a single action that we preform to maintain our identity as a species. It's commonly believed that the Prime Directive is simply survival, but I can't believe that after studying history. I genuinely believe that the Prime Directive of all humanity is to destroy whatever is caught in our path. We didn't rise to the top of Earth's food chain because we were the smartest or the strongest. We rose to the top because we, as a species, are more willing to kill than anything else we've ever met, and now we've released that Directive on this new world, completely unrestricted by the fears that hold it back on Earth." She gazed at me in shock, just now understanding where I had been going with all of this. "That, milady, is why you need a bodyguard."


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, I'm back. A few notes for everyone. First of all, sorry about the gap in chapters. Contrary to what my works may portray, I do in fact have a life, and every once in a while it needs my attention. Secondly, I cannot stress enough how much I appreciate the influx of followers and favorites this story has been getting. It's honestly beautiful every time I look at my profile and see a new face. So please, leave some reviews with your feedback, and I'll see you in the next one.**

We continued walking for a few moments in silence until we came to a smaller door. Regrettably enough, I didn't make it through that door because two ponies came strolling through it at the same time. The first was a tan pegasus with a dark blue mane, and the second was none other than Princess Twilight herself. I lowered my head in respect immediately, but not before I noticed something. The orange pegasus' eyes had been blue when he walked through the door, but upon bumping into me they had flashed a sickening shade of green.

"Twilight, how wonderful. I'd like you to meet out new friend, Mr. Joseph K. Terreson. I raised my head again, trying desperately to look at the Princess instead of her suspicious companion. For some reason, probably just instinct, I dropped to one knee and offered her a hand. She gave a worried look, placing her hoof gingerly in my hand. I lowered my head to it, giving the top of her hoof a light peck. She shivered lightly, pulling her arm back quickly.

"Ahem...It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Terreson. My name is..."

"Princess Twilight Sparkle. Forgive me, madam, but your reputation precedes you." She blushed yet again, glancing over to the pegasus beside her.

"And this is Flash Sentry, my...friend." She said 'friend' as if she were frustrated that he hadn't proposed already. I glanced back to him and his eyes were focused entirely on me, and there was anger behind them. Not good. The Princess' boyfriend was out to get me, and he may or may not have had some sort of mojo going for him. She turned to Celestia to speak, leaving me to further observe Flash. For some reason, he irked me. I looked back into his eyes, which were now filled with benevolence once again. There was something about him that was just so terribly wrong, something that was driving me crazy, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Well, I need to finish giving Mr. Terreson the tour, so we'll just be going." I jerked my focus back to the Princesses and followed Celestia back down the hall and up the gigantic staircase. I glanced over to her, debating on whether or not to ask her about Flash. Well, I wasn't going to get an answer any other way.

"Princess?" She turned to me as we reached the top of the stairwell. "What color are Flash Sentry's eyes?" She furrowed her brow, thinking on it for a moment.

"Well, I believe they're blue, aren't they?" I nodded for a second. She had confirmed what I was thinking earlier. "May I ask why you need to know?" I nodded before speaking, hoping that I didn't sound like a complete idiot.

"Well, when we bumped into them back there...I saw them change. It was just for a brief second, but his eyes turned green." She stopped cold, staring me right in the eyes.

"Green? Are you absolutely positive about that?" I nodded slowly, and she turned away, drumming a hoof on the floor nervously.

"Ma'am? If there are any security issues I need to be made aware of, now is the opportune moment to do so." She nodded, turning back to me.

"A few years back, Canterlot City was invaded by a group of strange creatures called Changelings. They were capable of changing their shape into anypony, and they fed of off the emotional energy of others. Shining Armor removed them somewhat forcibly with a shield spell, but if any of them managed to evade it..." She looked me right in the eye. "I would request that you do not act on this yet. Any word of Changelings in Canterlot would raise a panic, and we have no solid evidence yet." I nodded.

"Even so, I'd like to place an extra guard around Princess Twilight. I know she's not my responsibility, but she seems to be pretty important to you." Celestia nodded, smiling nostalgically. Only now did I notice we'd stopped a second time and come to another huge door. Her horn sparked and it groaned open, revealing two gigantic beds, one of which was occupied by a solid black Alicorn. She jumped up in bed, eying me with suspicion and even a bit of fear.

"Celestia! Why have you brought a human to our bedchamber?!" Another one I recognized. This was Princess Luna, the one who had accompanied Twilight to Earth the first time. I knelt to the ground, feeling a bit awkward since I was already with a princess to begin with.

"This human is my new bodyguard, Luna. I'd suggest making yourself comfortable around him, since he'll be sleeping in the next room." I raised myself up off the floor, turning to Celestia.

"I do have a few things I need to go over with you." She turned back to me. "In order for me to actually be your bodyguard, I can't be any more than fifty feet from you at any point in time unless we're sleeping. Then the limit is a hundred feet." She nodded. Good, she wasn't going to be one of those over-private idiots. To be fair, I hadn't expected that from her anyway, but first impressions can be deceiving. "Also, I'll have to ask you not to touch anything in this bag, just for your own safety." I lifted the bag off the ground, making sure she knew what I was referring to. Once again, she nodded in agreement. "And lastly...I didn't really bring any clothes that are suitable to a bodyguard." I gestured to the flannel Henley and blue jeans I was already wearing. "Do you know of anyone who sells suits or the like?" She grinned.

"I do indeed, and I believe she'll be overjoyed to meet you."

I stumbled forward, looking around at my new surroundings. Ok, so teleportation was now officially a thing. I glanced behind me, ensuring that Celestia was still there, and I was not disappointed. She gestured over to a two story...building? I guess there was no other word for it, but it looked more like a really big piece of modern art. I stepped through the door and was greeted immediately by a very squeaky filly.

"Omigosh! Are you a human?!" I held up both hands in mock terror.

"Last time I checked. Anyway, I was told that I could come here to get some suits made?"

"And indeed you can! Welcome to Carousel Boutique!" The voice was that of refinement, not unlike Luna's, but not quite as...wise, I suppose. It's owner, however, was the very picture of posh. A solid white unicorn with a dark purple mane that came all the way around her face in a grand swirl. "My name is Rarity, and if I may-" She gasped and fell on her knees. I heard a light chuckle from behind me that was likely accompanied by an eye roll.

"Honestly Rarity, I would like to consider you a friend, but if you keep that up it will just get difficult." Rarity rose to her hooves again, blushing madly.

"A-ahem...As I was saying, I am Rarity. If I may have your name, sir?"

"Terreson. Joseph K. Terreson." The words were jotted down in a little notepad that floated alongside her by the use of magic. "I really just need about four suits and some undershirts." She grinned happily.

"Excellent! If I could get you to step back here with me, I'll get my measuring tape." I followed her to the back room, vaguely aware that Celestia was still close behind me. Suddenly Rarity spun about, gesturing me to a small stand on one wall. I stepped up onto it, her talking all the while. "You know, I've yet to make a single article of clothing for a human. Don't get me wrong, I've received dozens of patterns from your culture, many of which I've been simply DYING to duplicate, but I haven't had any reason to. You'll be the first of many, Mr. Terreson!" She raised an eyebrow at me as I stood there, probably looking like a complete twit. "Ahem...Mr. Terreson, I understand your worlds customs, but to be properly measured, you'll need to lose your shirt at least." I sighed, realizing what questions this would raise.

"Well, let's get this over with." I raised my shirt up over my shoulders and off of my arms, throwing it down on a chair beside me. Both Rarity's and Celestia's eyes bulged as they ran over my torso. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I was more embarrassed at this point whether I was getting checked out by ponies, or the fact that they were the first female beings in almost two years to see my scars.

Celestia was the first to speak. "Mr. Terreson...I believe there may be a few details about your past you neglected to inform me of." I licked my lips, stalling for a response.

"Honestly, ma'am...I did leave out parts of my past, largely because you really don't want to know where most of these came from." I left it at that and held out my arms, cuing Rarity to start her measurements.


	4. Chapter 4

I was understandably a bit miffed after my measurements, and remained silent as Celestia and myself walked out into the street. She headed off to a...tree? Yep, definitely a tree with windows. I wasn't particularly interested in whatever might be inside a tree, so I stepped to the side, parking myself at a drink stand just fifteen feet in front of the door.

The gray unicorn behind the bar eyed me curiously. "Can I help you, son?" I almost asked for a bourbon, but I bit my tongue just in time. I was still on duty, so no alcohol.

"You know how to make an Arnold Palmer?" He grinned, nodding once. "A tall one, please." He whipped out two pitchers and set to work while I spun around in my stool and watched the door of the tree.

It had been about two minutes when he finally handed me a huge glass of the delicious mixture, and thirty seconds more when I began hearing signs of trouble. Dust picked up down the road and gunshots echoed from the same spot. Faint voices traveled to my ears, and I wasn't fond of what they were saying.

"This is our land now, got it?" Gunshot.

"You heard him! Get out the way, blondie!" Gunshot.

Now they were in eyesight, and my blood pressure jumped. Just a bunch of power-thirsty gun junkies in street clothes. I took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm myself. They weren't my problem...yet. The old gray unicorn turned to me, raising an eyebrow at my obvious anger. "You know, anger doesn't do any good if you keep it in there." I drummed on my knee, trying not to lash out as I replied.

"It tends to do more bad than good when I let mine out." Just as finished speaking, though, I was ready to eat those words. I had seen who the blondie was that they had yelled at earlier. A gray pegasus mare stumbled along in front of them, looking back over her shoulder in panic. I lifted from my chair, dropping a small stack of Bits onto the bar as I walked toward them.

As I approached, the group came to a halt, leaning on the butts of their rifles. The leader of the group grinned cockily as Derpy came to a skidding halt beside me. "You know, most folks with common sense would get out of the way when somebody with a gun comes through town." I tucked my shirt in on the right side, revealing my Peacemaker.

"You're absolutely right." They chuckled amongst themselves, all except for the leader. He eyed me curiously, like you might look at someone about to try a ridiculous stunt.

"That Colt only holds six rounds. There's seven of us, and we all have one in the chamber." I huffed with amusement.

"How big of an idiot do you take me for? I heard two rifle shots coming down the street, which means only five of you have one in the chamber. All I have to do is pick the right five." Suddenly I had six barrels trained on me. Gun junkies they may have been, but they weren't as stupid as I'd thought.

"Perhaps you didn't hear what we were saying over all our gunfire. This is our land now, get me? I mean, they practically gave it to us to begin with!" He spread his arms, spinning a circle. I felt my fingers twitch. If I was going to do it, now was the time.

Faster than some people can see, my hand shot down, gripping the handle of my Peacemaker. It shot out of it's holster and six little clouds of smoke belched from its barrel. Six henchmen fell to the ground, clutching their shoulders and dropping their guns. As their leader came full circle, his arms still in the air, I grinned at him. Immediately, his barrel lowered to my head and my eyes bulged. I'd miscalculated. I leapt to the side, picking Derpy up as I went and slinging her into a nearby alley.

As the shot rang out, striking the ground ten feet in front of me, I stopped and spun about, charging him now. He fumbled with the chamber on his rifle for a few seconds before finally throwing it to the ground and lifting his fists. He swung a right hook at me which I ducked by a generous margin and grabbed his knee, throwing him forward and down. I spun about again, placing my fist on his kidney and my knee on the back of his head. I could feel him shivering under me, pure terror in his face now. I leaned down, whispering in his ear. "Now let me tell you exactly what's going to happen now. You're going to get up, leave your guns exactly where they are, and walk east. You're going to continue walking in that direction for the next forty-eight hours or until you've reached a town big enough to get lost in. You will proceed to find the smallest, least conspicuous manner of living you can and you will assume that lifestyle. Why, you might ask? Because so help me, if I ever see your face anywhere again, I will feed you your body from the bottom up. Do you understand me?" He nodded, his face still rubbing against the dirt. "Good. Now get up and go." I took my knee from his head and he crawled the first few feet, glancing back at me every few seconds.

As he crossed the horizon and I drained the last drops from my Arnold Palmer, the tree's door creaked open once again and out came Celestia. She glanced at the humans laying around me, the last of them finally getting up and stumbling off. Her gaze was then directed to myself and Derpy, both of whom were sitting on barstools, with her thanking me in between munches on a raspberry muffin. She trotted over, a questioning look on her face.

"Any particular reason for this, Mr. Terreson?" I slid my glass down the bar and stood up, ready to go even before I answered.

"I'm your bodyguard, therefore nobody should come between the two of us without your consent. You didn't consent, and they entered your safety zone. I simply ensured they couldn't do you any harm." She blinked a few times before sighing and strolling off, me following close behind.

We reached the castle again just as the sun went down, me carrying a new case of suits. I walked just past the Princesses' door and into the smaller room that would contain me. I lay the case on the dresser quickly. I'd unpack tomorrow.

As soon as my jeans and shirt were off, I was in the bed. The pillows were unbelievably soft, and the blanket radiated warmth like a living thing. It was almost too comfortable, but that left my mind as I drifted into a surprisingly clear dream.

I was standing in the middle of what looked like a gigantic sphere. There was a spotlight around me, and I could see a few feet with the light it provided. I took a moment to look around, and when my focus came back to the area in front of me, I was no longer alone. "Luna?" She grinned somewhat sheepishly at me, and a few things fell into place. "Right. Princess of the Night and all that. I suppose I should have seen this coming." She shrugged.

"Perhaps. But we are not here to speak about me. You are the topic of conversation here." I couldn't help rolling my eyes at this point.

"Why is it that everyone I meet wants to know about my past?" Luna raised an eyebrow.

"I don't particularly care about your past. At this point, you may have noticed that 'Tia is...not as adept as reading human emotions as other ponies. She's not used to your people yet. I, on the other hand, am not so quick to assume that you are to be taken at face value. I can tell quite easily that there is something troubling you, and I'd like to know what it is, be it past, present, or future." I crossed my arms in frustration.

"There's no getting out of this, is there?"

"In a word...no." I let my arms back down, finally giving up.

"Then let's get this over with. If you want to know where it all starts..." I took a deep breath. This was harder than I thought it would be. "It started in 2004. I was part of a Marine unit in Iraq, and we were on a simple clearing mission. As it turned out..." Suddenly, the story I was telling began appearing around us. I saw myself and a group of others huddling behind a dump truck, pinned under heavy fire. "Not so simple. My battle buddy had taken one to the leg, just below his hip. He couldn't move, and I couldn't leave without him. The field medic...we were...involved. We weren't supposed to be, but her enlistment was up just a month after we got back." The picture around us flashed to a portrait of her.

"I couldn't move with all the fire going on, and I didn't get the chance to try. She rushed across the clearing, trying to get to us both. I did everything I could to cover her, but..." The picture finished for me. It was Janet Sonska, lying on the ground with a puddle of blood trickling out from under her. "Just five minutes afterward, the artillery came in. They drove the whole crowd back...my friend...he got a med-evac not ten minutes later. She died...she died for nothing. She died because I was too helpless. Because I couldn't do what needed done.

"When we got back, the first thing I did was sign up for Special Ops training. I was never going to let my weakness get someone else killed again. I brought everything I had into it, and I outran, outpushed, and outdid every single soldier in that whole school. So much so that they started hating me for it. One night..." I rubbed my shoulder, remembering the incident with a little too much clarity. The picture around me of a series of full bunks didn't help. "The unit strapped me into my bunk and took turns pulling the rope straight down. I woke up the next morning with six torn muscles and stripes of bruises all over my body. Unfortunately, my shoulder ligament was among the injuries, and I got med-boarded before it had a chance to even heal properly." The picture switched quickly to a newer version of me, one from just two years ago.

"After that, I just kept training. I was getting a paycheck for no work, and so I just kept going. Eight hours a day, every day, for almost eighteen months solid. I came home every day, beaten, exhausted, and terrified that I still wasn't good enough. Completely petrified that I wouldn't be able to save the next one. It kept on until one day I came home, and I looked in the mirror and I saw that I wasn't sweating. I wasn't tired, I wasn't even winded. I'd turned myself into a machine. I wasn't even really working towards anything anymore. I realized that I was destroying myself...and that was the day I stopped chasing her. I put down the barbells and picked up a hammer, and I kept doing my odd jobs until I came here and you picked me up. And that..." I sat down cross-legged on the floor of my little dream world. "Is the full story."

Luna gulped once or twice, blinking back what looked like tears. "Please, don't cry for me. Trust me, there are far too many people out there who need it more than I do." She nodded, taking a deep breath. When she finally did speak, her voice was shaky at best.

"I appreciate your honesty, Mr. Terreson. I leave you to finish your night in peace." And with that, she disappeared, and my dream bubble began fading into darkness.

**I spent a little longer on this one, largely due to perfecting the dialogue, but I like how it turned out. Also, I'll say it again: I cannot thank all the followers of this story enough. You guys are the reason I even do this. So, if you would, leave a review, and I'll see you in the next one.**


	5. Chapter 5

I gasped, shooting straight up as my dream finally came to a close. I took a few deep breaths and lowered my head back to the pillow, thinking through everything I had just seen. Could Luna have actually gotten into my dream? Was that even possible?

I shook myself. Dreams were dreams, and she'd let me know if she'd seen what I'd seen. I rolled over out of the bed and dropped into my first push-up.

I knew I was out of practice when I stood up after my set of two hundred and had to wipe the sweat off of my forehead. No matter, the stamina would come again in time. I grabbed one of my newly made suits and put it on quickly, making sure to place the Colt out of sight underneath my jacket. Just as I tucked it away and got myself straightened up, there was a knock on my door. I rushed over to it and threw it open, greeted to the sight of Princess Celestia, grinning pleasantly. "Good morning, Mr. Terreson." I took a moment to get readjusted to her presence. She looked exactly like she had yesterday. Tall, commanding, friendly, and just all around perfect.

"I know I'm not one to judge, but there is no way you woke up looking like that." She grinned, and I couldn't help but notice a slight blush in her cheeks. I shook myself. Stay on the job, Joseph. On the job.

We strolled down the main flight of stairs together, all the way down to the dining hall, where a gigantic breakfast had just been laid out by the kitchen staff. Toast, oatmeal, fruits of all kinds, pancakes, waffles, and not a single trace of bacon. I took a deep breath and said my silent goodbyes to the greatest of human foods before I stepped up to the table.

As I raised my head after a few seconds of silence, the door at the other end of the room crashed open and Princess Twilight came rushing through it, parchment and quill suspended above her via magic. "Princess Celestia! You've got to see this!" As she skidded up to the table, the paper she was holding rolled itself out on the table, revealing it's contents. "There's going to be a concert in Town Square today, and they'll have music from both human and Equestrian culture! Look, the best human music in history will be reenacted right here in Canterlot." She gestured to the bottom of the flyer, and Celestia began reading off the schedule.

"Alongside famous Equestrian musical groups 19 Hands and the Ponytones, the greatest human musicians on Earth will be preforming songs from groups including Bon Jovi..." My eyes lit up and I spun toward them. "...Elvis Presley..." I bent over the table, trying desperately to catch up to Celestia's place in the poster. "...Queen, ACDC, and dozens more. It's supposed to run for almost two days straight!" Twilight nodded enthusiastically.

"Do you know how big of an opportunity this is?! I may never get another chance to study a gathering of humans like this, and still have them being exposed to their own culture in such a fashion." She glanced over to me. "No offense, Mr. Terreson." I set my spoon down on the table once again and sat back in my chair.

"None taken. Now, as your bodyguard, I can't recommend going to such a crowded location. But as someone with experience, I can tell you that people will be talking about this show for the next decade, maybe more. There are still cultural references floating around to a similar concert that happened almost forty-five years ago. Have you heard of Woodstock?" She gave a slight nod. "Well, there you go."

"Well, it's up to you, Mr. Terreson. Do you believe you can keep me safe from all those dangerous humans?" Her voice was joking, but the matter was one to be taken seriously. As she studied my face, she began to realize that and her expression changed. I thought about it for a moment, and finally nodded.

Ten minutes later we were headed out the door, and for once I think I might have gotten more looks than anyone else in the group. I heard ponies and humans mumbling amongst themselves as I passed, something about how I was that one, the guy that Celestia had hired. "Word spreads pretty fast for a kingdom this size." Celestia's face was void of emotion for once as she spoke.

"Regrettably so. I didn't plan on putting any unwanted attention on you, Mr. Terreson." I gave a larger unicorn stallion the once-over as he moved off the road.

"I appreciate the gesture, ma'am, but in my experience, nothing a celebrity does is private. Even the things that don't actually happen, if you get my drift." She slowed, turning her head toward me in concern. She caught my eye as I quickly glanced over to a camera jutting from around the corner of a general store. Her eyes bulged as she finally began to pick up an accurate understanding of mass media.

"Surely you don't mean..."

"Trust me, Princess, it wouldn't be the first time. And the more popular someone is, the more the media loves trying to beat them down." Her face crumpled in deep thought.

"Is there no way to stop that kind of thing?" I shrugged. The sad thing was, there were thousands of ways to stop a sex scandal, especially one that doesn't actually exist, but every last one of them only worked for one person. In order to succeed, you had to invent something new.

"Well, I have a few ideas. Unfortunately, most of them involve implicating someone else in our group, which obviously isn't an option." She shook her head quickly. "Let's see here...I'm assuming we're trying not to injure anyone here, so...oh, that should work. If you'll excuse me for just a moment, please." I rushed off to a corner opposite the one with the photographer and grabbed ahold of an imaginary person.

I ensured the front end of my head was sufficiently obscured from his view, and proceeded to wrap my arms all the way around me, placing my palms around my back to create the image of me being hugged. I brought one hand back around, tousling my hair just slightly, and then pretended to separate myself from my 'lover'. I nodded a few times and said a few basic sentences in a hushed tone and then turned back around, glancing over my shoulder a few times for emphasis. As I caught back up with Celestia I saw the photographer running down the alley I had been in and I grinned.

"That's taken care of. By the way, where is Town Square?" Celestia pointed down the street and I was legitimately amazed that I hadn't already seen it. There was a gigantic stage up with every instrument I'd ever seen. "Good grief, what are they planning on doing?" Celestia sighed to herself.

"I imagine Octavia had a hoof in this." She trotted over, leaving me to keep pace by speedwalking. As we approached the stage, a gray, very dignified looking pony strode up to us, bowing low to Celestia. "Octavia, I believe that this concert was designed for human music. I'm not complaining, mind you, but doesn't this seem a bit...presumptuous?" Octavia lifted her head, maintaining a straight face the entire time.

"Not at all, milady. The humans' ensemble specifically requested a full orchestra be present. Apparently they are planning on playing a few pieces of their own classical music. I heard the names Handel, Mozart, and Beethoven mentioned, and when I heard their practice sessions I was more than willing to cooperate." She finally cracked a smile as she flashed back to the early day. Celestia nodded.

"Well then, the more the merrier, I suppose. Do you have any idea when the show will begin?" Octavia jerked from her thoughts and nodded.

"It should be getting started in about an hour. I'll see if I can help speed things along, though." She rushed off and Celestia turned to me.

"Well then, Mr. Terreson. We have an hour. Why don't you show me what humans do for fun?" I couldn't help but give a slight grin.

Five minutes later, all four of us sat at the first bar I could find with a mirror above the stock shelves. I turned to the Princesses and began explaining our purpose here. "Now, this is a game of skill and fortitude. You can't shoot a gun, but you're more than capable of firing a blast from your horns, so here are the rules. You receive four alcoholic beverages of your choice, each a different size. You drink the largest one, then you throw it over your shoulder. If you hit it with a magic blast- or in my case a bullet- before it hits the floor, you move to the next round where you do the same thing. Anyone who makes it through all four glasses goes to the next game. Everyone clear?" They all nodded. "Excellent. Barkeep!"

**I decided to leave this here, mostly because I'm still working on writing the Princesses while they're drunk. Leave some suggestions, feedback, and predictions for the next chapter in the reviews, and I'll see you in the next one!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, so I only really have one thing to say. I do not own any character rights in this entire thing except for Joseph K. Terreson. Seriously, even if it's a non-canon character, the only one I own is Joseph K. Terreson. If this message confuses you...then just read the chapter. Those of you who are Tumblr savvy will understand.**

The bartender slid over to us, a happy-go-lucky look on his face. "Alright, ladies. Pick your drinks. I..." I turned the bartender now. "I will be having a set of the best bourbon you have behind this bar." I rapped my knuckles on the bar's surface for emphasis. Celestia was the first to state her drink.

"I'll be having a set of Manehattan Brew, Gold Label." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You know your way around a bar pretty well for a princess." She shrugged.

"I was in a low place nine hundred years ago." Luna took notice of this and bumped her sister playfully. Celestia grinned, but her eyes were still a bit sad.

"Oh! How perfect. A drink that appears to have been concocted specifically for me. Bartender, I will have a set of moonshine." All the air left my lungs, and I wasn't sure if I was laughing or dying. Even the barkeep's eyes bulged out.

"Are you quite sure about that, Luna?" She turned to me curiously.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well, moonshine is the strongest alcohol known to man or pony. But, if you think you can handle it, I won't stop you." Luna chuckled.

"I'm sure I can handle a few drinks." All this time, Twilight had been tapping her seat with one hoof, and finally she blurted out across the bar.

"I remember!" We all turned to her curiously. "About a year ago, Rainbow Dash told me that there was a different kind of Apple Family cider that I would have to try if I got a chance." The bartender spoke up for the first time in a voice that wasn't really loud, but still seemed to roll across the room.

"You must be talking about Barrel 34 from Sweet Apple Acres. A set of it for you, ma'am?" She nodded enthusiastically. "Alright, I'll be back directly." As he strolled off to get our drinks, I dropped a hand down and checked my pockets. Just as I'd thought, before I had left the castle I had slipped a few extra rounds into each pocket on instinct.

"How does that work?" I turned quickly to Twilight, who was gazing at the Colt from behind our seats.

"Well, it's pretty simple." I unholstered the gun, getting Celestia's and Luna's attention. "So, this is the hammer. When it's pulled back..." I pulled the hammer back just far enough to show inside of it, but not enough to cock the gun. "You can see in here, where there's a little tiny pin. Now if you look in the back of the bullet..." I released the hammer and swung the chamber open, pulling one round out for examination. "You'll see a little metal circle. In the back side of the bullet there's an explosive powder. So when you pull the trigger, the hammer jumps forward and hits the pin which stabs into the back of the bullet and blasts the powder, throwing the bullet forward out of the gun." She looked at me blankly for a few seconds until the bartender came back with a tray of drinks. "Here. A demonstration." I grabbed the stein full of bourbon and tipped it back, allowing the liquid to swish around in my mouth for a few seconds before swallowing it. I ran a hand across my mouth and stared into the mirror above the bar for a few seconds before throwing the glass over my shoulder and spinning around.

My hand shot up at lightning speed and the glass shattered in midair, just below the height of my shoulder. All three princesses' eyes popped out as I turned back to the bar and wrapped my hand around the triple shot glass. I lifted it up, tipping it back and placing my Colt back in it's holster simultaneously. I finished the drink and nodded to myself in the mirror before tossing the glass over my shoulder and whipping around, shooting it before it had even reached the top of its arc.

"Two down, two to go." I took the double shot in one drink and tossed it straight back, peppering the wall with glass as I shot while spinning. "And for my last trick..." I gulped down the single shot and tossed it over my shoulder, reaching down and grabbing the Colt with my other hand. Without turning around, my hand continued to move backward and I blasted the glass into dust without even glancing at it. I turned to my companions, trying to fight the effects of the alcohol now. "Ladies, I do believe it is your move."

Twilight was the first to go, tipping back the large stein of...whiskey? Brandy? Hard Cider, I suppose. As she set it down, her face was that of someone who has just attempted to eat a lime. She took a deep breath and tossed the glass over her shoulder, spinning around and shattering it with a bolt of white energy. Her head rolled about on her shoulders for a few seconds as she readjusted after spinning so fast. "Right. Ok, that's the worst of it." I chuckled at her naivety. She lifted the triple glass to her lips and tossed it over her head nonchalantly. A purple spiral shot from her horn as she glanced back over her shoulder and shot the glass into dust. I nodded, sufficiently impressed.

She shook herself before picking up the next glass and took it sip by sip. After a full minute, she had drained the double shot and tossed it over her shoulder. As she spun around to shoot at it, she fell straight out of her seat and landed face-first on the floor. I hopped out of my own chair, lifting her up and placing her back in her proper location, chuckling all the while. "Sorry Twilight, but you're out." She shrugged, a goofy grin plastered all over her face.

As I reclaimed my seat, Celestia started on her first drink. I had never heard of Manehatten Brew, but apparently it was the good stuff, because as soon as Celestia finished her stein, she got a strange grin all over her face and began tipping backwards. I reached an arm out and grabbed her by the back. Luna placed a hoof on her forehead and sighed. "I was afraid of this." As I watched, Celestia's mane began to turn solid pink and a blush came into her cheeks. "Just a moment, Mr. Terreson. I swear, I will do no lasting harm to her." I raised an eyebrow, but before I could react further, Luna reached a hoof back and grabbed Celestia by the back of the head. She threw her arm forward, smashing Celestia's forehead into the bar. The light sound of breathing came from her, and I gazed back up at Luna.

"What was that all about?" Luna shook her head as she rotated the jar of moonshine that had been given to her.

"Alicorns have unique heat cycles that begin only when we see somepony who would..." She stopped here, obviously trying to think of a dignified way to say this next bit.

"Someone who would do it for you?" She looked as though she would correct me for a second, but changed her mind, nodding.

"Indeed. Unfortunately, Celestia is, as you humans put it, a cheap drunk. Not only that, but when she gets inebriated, her judgment is more impaired than most. As such, virtually every time she drinks, she goes on a heat cycle. And she is notorious for having very...severe heat cycles." I was silent as I attempted to assimilate all this information about my charge.

After about three minutes of awkward silence, I gestured to Luna's drinks and she set to work. She drained the moonshine jar in less than five seconds, leaving me dumbfounded. She tossed it over her shoulder, blasting it just as it reached the arc of the toss. Then she succeeded in amazing me even further by drinking all three shots and tossing them simultaneously up into the air and blowing them all away in sequence. Not a one of them got below my waist level. "Alrighty then. Remind me never to make you angry." Luna chuckled.

"Trust me, Mr. Terreson. You'll know if you do." Before I could come up with a witty reply, the sound of a guitar echoed in from outdoors. I checked my watch and looked back to the door. Had it really been an hour?

_"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"_ I leapt up from my seat and shook Celestia. Obviously it had been an hour and we were dangerously close to missing the show. She rose her head up from the table and blinked a few times.

"What did I miss?" Her voice was groggy, but not slurred as it would have been if she was actually drunk.

"Nothing important, but you're about to. Let's go!" She nodded, rising from the seat alongside the other two Alicorns. I led the way out the door and we were blasted by cheers, screams, and music. "This, ladies, is human culture at it's finest." Bottles flew through the air above us as we worked our way through the crowd. Luna and I were the only ones not stumbling about. We reached the stage just as the band reached the guitar solo in Bohemian Rhapsody. I just sat there and grinned, as did Celestia and Twilight, but Luna seemed a bit more interested in the music.

"The song...what is it trying to portray?" I turned to her, my explanation already prepared. This was arguably the most famous song in history, after all.

"It's the story of a young man's descent into crime. After committing a murder, he leaves behind his family and friends so as not to implicate them in his new life, telling them to carry on as they had been. Shortly afterward, he is found by the law and trapped in a prison where his family finds him once again and repeatedly begs them to release him. Finally, he is condemned to die, and in his final moments he defies them all." She stared up at the stage once again and blinked once or twice.

"Are you su-" I stopped listening. I stopped hearing anything except for a ringing in my ears. Everything around me simply didn't exist anymore. There was only the man with a pistol aimed at the back of Celestia's head. I flexed every bit of slack out of my legs, leaping between them as a single puff of smoke left the barrel. A heat began spreading through my chest, and I saw Luna standing over me, staring down the man with the gun. I felt my lips tell her to run, but I still couldn't hear anything.

My vision was becoming increasingly dim now. I felt the dust rumble beneath me and suddenly I was being lifted onto a bent surface that bumped along beneath me. I felt myself beg to go back, but whoever was carrying me probably couldn't even hear me. My sight was practically black now. The last thing I saw was a lick of flame rising up from the stage curtains.


	7. Chapter 7

**My apologies for the lateness of the chapter, everyone. I've been getting a bit of writer's block lately, but I think I've gotten rid of it. Nothing else really to say, so make sure to leave a review and I'll see you in the next one.**

My eyes opened into a dark room with only one other occupant. My first response was to look down at my body, which for some reason was completely naked. I looked up at the other person in the room, raising an eyebrow at him. He was clothed in black jeans and a gray t-shirt, but his clothes weren't what caught my attention. His face was solid white, as though I wasn't able to see it because of a glare. Naturally, I did the simplest thing. "Who are you? Where am I?" He made no response but to lift one hand, palm upwards, to his abdomen. A bowl materialized in it's center, and he dipped a finger into it. When he drew it back out, his finger was covered up to the second knuckle in a red substance that looked notably thicker than juice.

The bowl disappeared and a door appeared beside him, tightly shut. He lifted the finger up, rubbing it across the top of the doorway and leaving a red smear. I recognized this action. He followed by passing a hand across the frame, leaving the wood untouched. "You're the Angel of Death." He nodded, allowing the door to dissipate. For some reason, this knowledge didn't bother me much. This guy, angel or not, seemed as though he was just another soldier. "Do I have a choice?" He nodded and I perked up. That always made things more interesting.

He raised his right hand, gesturing to the room behind him. Rows upon rows of beings were revealed, some human, some ponies, some things I didn't recognize. Each of them was armed with weapons of their people or period, and suddenly they all snapped to a salute. He returned the salute and turned back to me. "So if I stay here, I work for you." He nodded, then raised his left hand. A rock materialized within it, and began floating around as fire erupted around it. The intensity of the fire grew, and then grew some more until I was sure the rock would melt at any moment, then it all stopped. He leaned over and blew on the stone until it cooled, and there was left a perfect little cube of gold. "And if I go back, I meet a trial by fire." He nodded once again.

I took a deep breath. The strange thing was, I felt like I had made this choice before. I had one last question to ask. "I was supposed to come here thirteen years ago, wasn't I?" He nodded solemnly. "Well, as much as I hate delaying the inevitable, I've still got a job to do. How soon can I wake up?" He nodded and stepped toward me, extending a finger to my chest. As it touched me, a burning sensation shot through my shoulder and I rocketed forward out of a bed, grabbing a fuzzy object in front of me.

Whatever I had ahold of was definitely alive, as it was kicking and clawing at my arm in an attempt to break free. When I finally got a look at the clearly adolescent face of a young Earth pony, I released my grip, taking a few very deep breaths as I did so. She scuttled away, casting me fearful glances as she sped around a corner.

The room I was in was very simple. Pastel orange walls, a nightstand with a lamp, and an old-fashioned cot bed which I was currently seated on. There was an undeniable scent of apples and cinnamon in the air. The next thing I noticed was the freaking gigantic stallion that marched through the only door in the room, followed closely by the young filly I had tried to choke. He glanced behind him and two more ponies appeared. One was a pegasus with a shocking mane. Every color of the rainbow in a mullet. Somehow it actually worked. The other was an Earth mare with a cowboy hat placed firmly on her orange head. The pegasus was the first to speak.

"So, who are you?" I swung my legs off the bed before speaking.

"My name is Joseph K. Terreson. I'm Princess Celestia's bodyguard." They glanced between themselves.

"Aren't y'all a bit far from Canterlot to be doin' your job?" I lifted myself from the bed, cringing slightly as the full weight of my shoulder was placed on my chest.

"Not my fault. Someone carried me here after I took a bullet that was aimed at Luna. Thanks for patching me up, by the way." The big one nodded.

"Eeyup." A regular chatterbox.

"So, if we're through here, I need to get my gear and get rolling. Heaven only knows what's happened while I've been gone." They all looked down at the floor. "Something I should know?" The little one was the first to speak.

"Well, you see, Mr. Terreson...Nopony knows what happened in Canterlot. All anypony knows now is that the Princesses are trapped in the castle and the whole city's being patrolled by folks with guns." My only response to this was to place to a palm to my forehead. Of course this couldn't be anything that even resembled easy.

"Right. In that case, how far are we from the city?" They looked between themselves for a moment.

"Well, about two days walk, I think." Thirty to forty miles. Alright, no problem. Unfortunately, that also meant I had already been out for two days.

"Ok. Any big towns between here and there?" This one took notably less delay.

"Nope. Nothing but desert, but you've got to be careful out there. A few folks have already talked about being robbed." By this point I was no longer listening. I'd have to pick up a crew of at least six here, make it across the desert, get into the weapons storage at Canterlot, and take the city back. No time to waste, then.

"Alright. Who's the law around here?" They all chuckled humorlessly.

"His name's Greg Brockton, but don't expect anything out of him. He and his group are more trouble than anypony else that goes through town nowadays. If you're looking to get anything done, I'd suggest going over to meet Mr. Khan. He's got a small group that gets all the real work done around town." I nodded, grabbing my shirt out from the corner of the room.

"Alright. I appreciate it. Oh, and by the way..." I looked down at my waist. "You wouldn't have happened to take a gun off of me, would you?" They all eyed me suspiciously.

"I tell you what. You get rid of Brockton, and we'll give you yer gun back." I didn't exactly have another choice, so I nodded and strode out of the room past them. No time to waste.

As I strode out the door, I was met with a sight most unpleasant. The entire street was taken up by a group of thugs, all of whom were carrying a sidearm, and some were packing even more. Luckily, they didn't seem to be too terribly focused on anything in the area, least of all me. I strode in the opposite direction, straight toward the pub at the corner. First rule of small towns, the bartender knows everything.

The door swung open and I was greeted to a pleasant song on the piano. I approached the bar cautiously, not wanting to start a fight I didn't have to. The barkeep stepped over to me, glancing back over his shoulder causally. "What can I get for you, son?"

"Some information would be nice. You wouldn't happen to know a Mr. Khan, would you?" I heard two chairs slide out from a table behind me. The barkeep glanced over my shoulder and continued speaking.

"I would. In fact, if you show me you can make it worth his time, I'll take you to him." Right, one of these stupid macho standoffs.

"Fine, but answer me one more question. How much did this barstool cost you?" He rubbed his chin.

"About fifteen Bits, I think." I stacked sixteen up on the table.

"In case anything else happens." A floorboard creaked two feet behind me and I stepped onto the floor, grabbing the stool by one leg and swinging it around, smashing the seat onto a bald man's face. His partner stepped back and drew a knife on me, a good sized Bowie knife. "Hey, you wanna take this outside? There are a lot fewer ways for me to hurt you out there." He grimaced and lunged at me, swiping the knife straight down. I hopped backward, seating myself on the bar and throwing one leg up, driving the tip of my foot into his chin.

The other man stood back now, drawing a 35' on me. I lifted my hands, taking a deep breath. I hadn't had to use this trick in a while. "So, you want to see Mr. Khan, huh?" I was silent. "Well, I'll make sure he's there at your funeral." His finger clenched on the trigger and I planked, the bullet shaving a few strands of hair off of my bangs as I went. While I was down, I grabbed a bottle from behind the bar and threw myself forward, catching him off guard. He aimed the gun once again, but not quickly enough. Just as he got the hammer back, the bottle smashed against his head and he went down.

I couldn't help but notice that only a few people had stopped drinking to witness the spectacle, and the pianist was still playing at the same pace. Apparently this happened a lot around here. "Not half bad, boy. You wanted to meet Mr. Khan? Follow me." He strolled through a door behind the bar that I had just assumed led to a stockroom. I strolled through it and found a staircase leading to the top of the building where a small bridge ran across the alley below. "There you go. Right in there." He gestured to a small structure on top of the building across the bridge. "I'm sure he'll be glad to see you."

I strolled across the bridge, mentally preparing myself for whatever I might meet. Was I looking at an Al Capone type guy, a warlord, or maybe just a vigilante? I cracked the door open and a bullet hole appeared in the wall next to me. "Knock next time." I swung the door all the way open and put a face to the speaker. He was small, but not abnormally so. He stood about five feet four inches and had shoulders like an ape. His arms were muscular, but toned as well. The look of a fighter to match the countless scars on his face. "Got something to say to me?" His voice was gruff, but not deep, kind of like a trucker.

"I hear you're having some trouble with the law."

"I wouldn't call it that. Who are you, anyway?" I lifted up my right pant leg, revealing a Semper Fi tattoo that got him nodding in admiration.

"Someone who knows how to deal with trouble."


	8. Chapter 8

**Ok, so a slight apology if there is a lack of major pony-ness in this chapter, but I believe this will be the last instance of such in the story. Aside from that, leave a review and I'll see you in the next one.**

"So, do you have a name other than Khan?" He rolled a map out on the table.

"Not one you need to know. Now, if you'll look right here, Brockton's got men stationed at each of these dots." He gestured to a series of black dots on the map, most of them on street corners and the like. "He's practically turned the place into a militarized zone, but there's still one guy who can get around town." He glanced over my shoulder and I spun about, not seeing anything. I turned back around to face him and suddenly there was a solid black face pressed into mine. I stumbled backward, falling immediately into a fighting position. "His name's Blacksaddle. He can get you wherever you need to go in town, so long as you follow his instructions." The black pegasus gestured to his Cutie Mark, a puff of smoke.

"Yeah, that's all well and good, but can he hold his own in a fight? Because frankly, if these are the odds we're up against, I don't know if I can protect anybody." Khan shrugged.

"No idea. He's never had to fight as far as I know. He can find a way out of them every time." Handy trick.

"Okay, but moving along. Where's Brockton actually at?" Khan reapproached the map and gestured to a larger blue dot on the north side of town.

"This is his main haunt. He used the old tornado bunker since it had a dry water tower on top of it." I glanced out the window and saw that same water tower. "Yeah, that's the one. He's got it stocked chock full of ammunition, and he's got enough firepower to use up the whole lot of it. Two 50 caliber machine guns, a 50 cal' sniper rifle, and more AK-47s than you could shake a stick at. Not to mention he keeps a belt of grenades in every supply closet for emergencies." I crossed my arms as I sat back and thought for a second.

"What do we have?" He sighed.

"We've got two M16s, a 30/06, and two Sig Sauers. Plus we had one of our boys smuggle in some C4 from an old construction site. Maybe three hundred rounds between the town." I took a moment to think it all over. The sad part was, these weren't even the worst odds I'd faced this week.

"Alright, I've got an idea, but we're gonna need a little help from the bartender, and we'll need a copy of the building plans for the bunker." He stepped over to a filing cabinet and yanked out a blueprint, slapping it onto the table over the map.

"How's this?" I leaned over the picture, studying it closely.

"Beautiful. If this works, Mr. Brockton is in for a big surprise."

Fifteen minutes later, we stepped out of the bar with three bottles of the worst liquor behind the bar. Some daiquiri or whatnot. We jogged down the street, pausing as we came within two blocks of the bunker. "Alright, so here's what we do. Blacksaddle, you're going to take this and light it in the hallway next to the closest supply closet, then throw it in. As soon as you do that, book it out of there. Once the closet blows and everyone's panicking, Khan and I will move in for Brockton. We take him, and this whole place is ours." This reminded me of chess, but all we had was a knight, a king and a queen. Our opponent had the whole board.

Blacksaddle nodded, grabbing the bottle with the rag in it's top and rushing off to the right. I turned to Khan. "You ever clear a building before?" He snorted.

"Please. Watch and learn." We moved out into the street and were stopped almost immediately by two armed guards.

"Y'all back up a ways. Sheriff Brockton don't take kindly to intruders." I nodded, turning to Khan.

"See, I told you they wouldn't recognize us. But nooooo, you didn't feel safe bringing along our badges. 'They'll get us in trouble.' you said. Now look at us." Khan blinked for a second, trying to catch on. When it hit him, he jumped straight into character.

"Hey, don't pin this on me. You're the one who pointed out that the locals don't like human investigative companies on their property. You got me paranoid. And we'd have time to go back and get the stupid things if we'd left at..." He paused here, leaving us all confused. "8:00 like I wanted to." I understood his message, thank goodness, and my hands dropped immediately. I turned to the guards, making sure to check where Khan had pointed out to me.

"Look, guys. We're here on official business in Canterlot, and we really just need to get in and see Mr. Brockton." The taller guard eyed me suspiciously.

"Show me a badge." I blanched. Me and my big mouth. Lucky me, things then proceeded to get even more precarious. He raised his rifle to my chest. "Show me a badge. Come on, I ain't got all day." I turned to Khan.

"So, do I show him the one from the U.S. Embassy or the CIA?" He shrugged.

"CIA, I guess." I nodded.

"Yeah. Higher authorities and all that." We all paused for about a half second before...

BOOM. The entire east side of the building erupted in flames, causing the guards to stumble forward. I tore the Sig from it's holster and put a round into each of them, firing a third in the direction of the sniper. I heard the cling of metal on metal and then a pit of dirt erupted behind me. "Move it, Khan!" I rushed forward, drawing the Sig as I went and cutting down two more guards trying to clear the building.

As we reached the entrance, Blacksaddle fell from the ceiling. "About time you showed up. Where's Brockton?" He shrugged. "Great. Alright, you two take the west side, I've got the center. Give me one of those." Khan passed an M16 out of his bag. "See you guys in ten." They nodded and we set off.

If I remembered the blueprints correctly, I only had five rooms in this direction to clear. The first door flew open easily, and luckily enough the room inside was empty. I grabbed a grenade belt out of the closet on the left and ran it through my belt loop. Next door.

As I neared the obstruction, I was lucky enough to see feet shuffling back and forth underneath it. Okay, gotta be quick. I smashed the door open with my boot and spun to the side. There were a few yells and bullets began whizzing past me. Then a few mutters and some bootsteps coming toward me. I crouched down, taking aim across the room. Three...two...one...

Two men came crashing to the ground, clutching at their hips. I leapt forward, taking aim into the center of the room. The lone occupant had his gun trained above my head, as I was expecting. One trigger squeeze, and down he went. I used the door as cover to clear my left corner, then the back. Nobody else in here, moving forward again.

Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the next door. It flew open, leaving me only enough time to tuck and roll into the back corner. As my assailants took a respite to reload after about twenty seconds of pummeling the room at random, I leapt forward, putting one round into each of them. Then I made my big mistake. I rushed forward into the next room, where I was greeted to the sight of the man who had to be Mr. Brockton jumping into my face. I raised my rifle to his eye level and ten clicks could be heard from behind me, and there was a curious cylindrical protrusion into my stomach. Only one thing to do now.

"You'll go first, understand me? Your boys can spend the next hour turning me into Swiss cheese, but none of it matters. Not a one of them is gonna get a single shot off before I turn your head into a serving bowl, get me?" He nodded, his eyes bulging halfway out of his head. "Good. Now call off your dogs and we can do this right." He gestured to his men to lower their weapons, and I counted ten thuds as the rifles hit the ground. "Very good. Now there are two ways we can do this. You could try and hollow me out with that peashooter while I take your head off, or we can put down our guns, take this outside, and try to kill each other like civilized people." A hammer went back on my left and I was grateful to hear a very welcome comment.

"And, uh, boys? Don't even try an assist."

"How you doing, Khan?"

"Never better." I redirected my attention to Brockton.

"Alright, back to our conversation. Now, are you going to be reasonable and at least give yourself a chance?" Slowly, reluctantly, he lowered the pistol from my gut. "Good choice. Now march." He turned around me slowly, walking out of the building.

As we walked out into the sunlight, ponies and humans alike began pointing and cheering. We neared the middle of the street and the four ponies who had met me before rushed up beside me. "No way!" That was from the pegasus.

"Yeah, we got him. But I'm not quite done yet." I tossed down my M16 and lifted my shirt, throwing it down as well. "I haven't had a fair fight in years. Khan, get those out here too!" Khan and Blacksaddle both shoved Brockton's helpers into the street. I cracked my knuckles as I turned to the small group around me. "You might want to back up a bit." The orange one raised an eyebrow.

"Y'all call this a fair fight?" I shrugged.

"As close as I can get for now, at least. If I'd let a few more of his henchmen go, it'd be a little closer." They all raised an eyebrow, but backed up obligingly. I stepped off the porch, rolling my shoulders to loosen them up as I approached my first opponent. He stood about six foot four and was practically coated in tattoos. He glared down at me menacingly, as if I was some idiot to challenge him. "What's your name, son?" He huffed at me and spoke in a belching, sudden voice.

"Thornon. Carl Thornon." I rubbed my chin.

"You military?" He shook his head. "Too bad. You'd make a good shield for somebody." He blinked, obviously not sure if I'd insulted him or not. I placed my head in one hand and looked back up at him. "Let's get this started." I brought one hand all the way up, driving two knuckles into his windpipe. He collapsed to the ground, clutching at his throat, and then everyone charged. My body went on autopilot. Dodge right, left hook, knee block, right jab, jab, jab. Two came out at me from behind, but I tucked beneath them, tripping them up and ensuring to step on each of them on my way forward.

Tuck left, uppercut, sweeping kick, aaaaaand one to the solar plexus. Another big boy fell to the ground, leaving me with just Brockton standing. Ponies and people in every direction were still trying to collect their lower jaws from their shock as I approached him, moving in close to his head. "This is the part where you fall over." He stiffened up, falling straight over and thumping his head on the dirt.

I waited a second, two seconds, and then the whole block erupted in applause. Ponies rushed forward to meet me, while the humans took it upon themselves to carry the henchmen off to a likely unfortunate fate. I waded my way through the crowd to meet Khan, who was now standing alongside my four other friends. As I neared them, the orange mare held out my Colt, which I eagerly took and holstered. "The name's Applejack, and this here's Big Mac, Applebloom, and Rainbow Dash." She gestured to the huge red stallion, the yellow filly, and the pegasus respectively. "We -uh- we'd like to thank you for clearing Brockton out of here. We'd be glad to do whatever we can to help you get Canterlot back." I grinned.

"Well, I appreciate it, but-" I was interrupted here by a voice I didn't recognize, but apparently Applejack did. She lowered herself to the ground, a bit of hostility coming into her eyes.

"Oh, trust me. You're going to need as much help as you can get." Everyone in the block stopped immediately, searching for the source of the voice which was soon found to be standing very lightly on top of my head. "Hello, Mr. Terreson."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello, everyone. I'm back again with another one, and I have a request this time. If you'll look on my profile page, I'm running a poll related to another story of mine, Crystal Stars. Unfortunately, I can't actually take that line of stories much farther until I get some feedback on the poll's subject, so be a pal and contribute to my little story pool please! Aside from that, leave a review, and I'll see you in the next one.**

I rushed forward, planting one foot in the ground and pivoting back to see whoever had spoken. I was greeted to the strangest thing I had ever seen. The being was about four inches taller than myself, coated in gray fur. His face resembled that of a pony, but he was adorned with mismatched horns and appendages, like some Frankenstein of animals. "Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Discord." He bowed low, the tips of his horns scraping along the ground. "But, for once in my life, I'm not the important one here. I've been following you since you left Canterlot, Mr. Terreson, and trust me, you're needed quite sorely back there." I huffed.

"I was kind of expecting that to be the case. No offense, but the standing army that Equestria keeps might be well matched against human forces from six or seven hundred years ago." He chuckled.

"None taken. Personally, I found your history quite amusing to watch." I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, didn't you know? Of course I took part in the shaping of humanity, although perhaps you wouldn't recognize me in this form. Look through Earth's history for all the times somepony was there to throw a wrench into the works. I mean, come on, who do you think came up with the idea for the Internet, or that E.T. game?"

I took a moment to comprehend all of this, but to be honest it wasn't that difficult to believe. What confused me most though, was how.

"I'm sure you're wondering how I did such a thing, right?" Had to be a coincidence. Let it slide.

"I actually was." He threw his arms open, releasing a long bolt of lightning from between them, which he began knitting into a scarf as he spoke.

"Simple enough, really. Most unicorns and Alicorns control magic, and King Sombra – I'm sure you've already heard of him – he controlled dark magic of his own design. I control my own variety of magic. Chaos magic." He gestured to the scarf that had already been completed, then wrapped it around his neck. "Because of this, I'm able to do...well, whatever I want, honestly. It would be a simple matter for me to turn you into a giant, or maybe a rabbit, or even a pony." My hand lowered to my gun involuntarily, but it wasn't there. Discord spun it around by the trigger guard on one finger, looking slightly bored. It wasn't a look I liked on someone with a gun and a lot of power.

"Ok, you've made your point. What do you want me for?" The scarf disappeared and I felt a familiar weight on my hip as he began focusing entirely on me for the first time.

"I want you, Mr. Terreson, because you are the only person I believe can take the city back. Unfortunately, I can't help you, at least not directly."

"Why?"

"The reason I'm here at all, the reason Canterlot fell to begin with, is because our friends took it upon themselves to cast a gigantic shield spell, large enough to cover the whole of Canterlot City. It allows humans free access, but ponies and the like are trapped inside or outside the city, depending on where they were to begin with. I can't get in, and even if I could, I can only take on two Alicorns at a time." Wait, what?

"Why would we be fighting the Alicorns?" He placed a hand to his forehead.

"Think about anypony who might have been proficient in brainwashing in Canterlot." I thought for a moment...two moments...Oh. Of course. It couldn't be as simple as going in and shooting all the bad guys. We had to throw in a Changeling who's in control of the most powerful beings in the world.

"Ok, so how do we beat this shield thing?" He grinned.

"Finally, the right questions. There are a few ways to go about it. First, you could send in a crew of humans alone to try and disable the spell from inside, but as you can probably imagine, that's not the brightest option right now. You could try and gather enough force from outside to break the spell forcibly, but since most of Equestria is scattered, that could take months or longer. The final option is to find somepony who might know enough about shield spells to break it normally." I took a moment to think, but there was only one person stuck in my head now.

"Let me guess...Shining Armor." He grinned.

"Spot on. He's the only pony I know of who might have enough knowledge on shields to break it from the outside. I can get us back and forth to the Crystal Empire quickly enough, but it'll be your job to recruit anypony you can to actually take back the city. From what I understand, you'll need quite a force to get through to the Castle, and then you'll have to actually retake it. Not the simplest task." I nodded.

"Well, our first priority is getting through that shield. Nothing scares people more than having somewhere close to them that they can't go. How soon can we get to the Crystal Empire?" He placed a hand on my head, raised his other hand, and snapped. My vision went black for half a second, and then suddenly I was in the middle of a gigantic hall. I stumbled back, still not quite used to that whole teleportation thing, and took a deep breath.

"Welcome to the Crystal Empire." Discord stood before me holding a tequila glass. "With open bar."

"HALT!" I spun around, greeted by two spears in my face. They belonged to two stallion guards, both of whom were glaring at us with contempt. I sighed, raising both hands. No point in causing hostilities yet. "Alright, now you're coming with us." I rolled my eyes as they got behind the pair of us and prodded us forward with their spears, Discord giggling all the while.

After a few doors, we arrived in the throne room which was large enough to rival Canterlot's. As we neared the end of the room, I recognized Shining Armor standing beside his wife. His eyebrows shot up at seeing me and he rushed over.

"Mr. Terreson? What happened to you? Why are you here?" He gestured to my bullet wound then back to me.

"Long story, but the short version goes something like this. I got put out of commission when I took one in the shoulder to save Celestia, and apparently over the past three days Canterlot has been taken over by a rogue Changeling. He's got a shield around the outer rim of the city, and you're kind of the only guy we can rely on to get through the stupid thing. Honestly, I'd go in myself, since it only keeps out ponies, but apparently this Changeling managed to get the Princesses under his thumb, and I don't think I'll be able to take on all three of them by myself." He spent a few seconds blinking, but nodded slowly.

"Right, but what makes you so sure you'll be able to take the city back at all?" I rolled my eyes.

"Good grief, man, you've seen my resume. You read the whole thing off to me when you hired me. Isn't that proof enough?" He shook his head.

"Regrettably, no. I'll be honest, I didn't see anything like this coming, and we're going to need a real army to retake the whole city. The only place with a standing force like that is the Crystal Empire, and it's kind of my job to protect everypony here." He rubbed his chin. "But we can't exactly leave Canterlot under the control of some Changeling...Alright, give me fifteen minutes. In the meantime, no offense, but you might want to go down and get a bath. You smell like death."

"None taken." He trotted off alongside his wife, who had strangely been silent thus far. I'd noticed throughout the whole ordeal that she had just been staring at me with the strangest look, a look I couldn't quite pin. But, as Shining had said, I needed a bath pretty desperately. "Yo, Discord. Any idea where the bath house is in this place?" He jerked one thumb over his shoulder, pointing to a door on the side of the room. A wooden arrow appeared, pointing through the door. "Thanks." No reply. I looked over once again and he was gone.

Discord had left me a series of wooden signs that disappeared as I passed them, leading me directly to a tiny building just outside of the castle grounds where I was greeted by two cotton candy colored ponies. Oh boy, they were speaking in tandem.

"Hello good sir!"

"Welcome to the Crystal Spa!" I'll be honest, I almost turned right around and left.

"My name is Lotus..."

"...and I'm Aloe!"

"We'll be taking good care of you today."

"So, what can we do for you?" I chuckled. Okay, forget what I said before. The whole tandem thing was actually kind of cute.

"Just a hot bath, please." They both flashed me a flawless smile and rushed off, talking as they went.

"One steam bath, coming up!" I dug into my pocket and drew forth a small handful of Bits, placing them on the table as I looked around the room. It was nice, small enough to make sense for the size of the building, but the decorations made it look bigger. Good grief, an entire city's at stake and here I am looking at spa designs.

"Your bath is ready, sir!"

"Just put your name down in the guestbook...

"...and we'll get you settled in." I took the pen off the table, signing my name in my best cursive on the highest unused line. They didn't seem to be getting much business, but that was to be expected during a crisis.

I strolled down the hall, accompanied by the twins. At least, I assumed they were twins. "You know, we've never actually had a... Lotus stopped cold in her sentence, but luckily Aloe was there to finish it for her.

"A human man in here before. Sorry, but..."

"We're still a bit fuzzy on your terminology." I couldn't help but grin.

"No problem." Moments later, we entered a large room with a giant, steaming tub in the center. I took a deep breath and smelled...mint? Nice. Of course, though, it couldn't come without a catch.

"Um, sir?" I turned to Aloe. "Well, we were wondering..."

"Would you mind if we were to include a massage with this? No extra charge, of course, but..."

"If you'd noticed, business has been a bit slow."

"But the thing is, nopony else around here knows how to give a human a massage."

"So if we could get it down pat first, and be able to show our real skills..."

"We could actually pick up some business!" They both gave me looks that would make a beagle puppy proud, and I finally nodded. This was sure to be...something.

"Alright, let's go ahead and get started, then!" Lotus gave me a towel and gestured to a partition a few yards away.

"If you would, sir." I stepped in behind the wall and slipped out of everything, making sure the towel was wrapped very well around my waist before stepping back out. Just like Rarity, the twins spent a moment gawking at my chest before jumping back into their profession and indicating a large table for me to lay down on. I obliged, making sure to lay face down as they leapt onto the surface beside me and very tentatively began.

I wasn't actually sure which of them was where, but I know that one of them was grinding into my shoulders like nothing I had ever felt, and the other was drilling my thighs. Sweet mother of the BLT, this felt amazing. I'll be honest, I have no idea how long it went on for, but before I could even begin to stop them, my eyes were already beginning to drift closed.

"Mr...Mr. Terreson." At first I didn't see anything, but as I looked into the darkness, a figure began to appear. It was Luna, crackling like the picture on an old TV.

"Luna! Are you alright?! What's been happening?" I could see now that she looked pained, as if it was an effort just to breathe.

"Joseph...Flash Sentry has...he has taken Canterlot. Everypony within...is under his spell. If Celestia and I...agh..." She fell to her knees and I tried rushing forward to help her, but I found myself stuck to the spot. "If we should fall...the world will begin to wither. At best, Joseph, you have...four..." She faded out entirely, but her message got across well enough. I had four days before the world went down the drain. Alright, if that was the case, I had to wake up.

"Mr. Terreson." Okay, that one was new.

"Where are you?" Dumb question since the voice seemed to be coming from everywhere.

"Physically? I am currently in Canterlot, having a good deal of fun watching the Princesses suffer. But mentally, Mr. Terreson, I am right here with you."

"So, you're the Changeling who's been posing as Flash Sentry." He chuckled. For some reason, I hadn't expected his voice to be so deep.

"Who's posing? My queen taught me some time ago how to create a persona purely from the desires of somepony you know. After observing the Princess Twilight, I built myself a body and personality that she would find irresistible. After that, it was mere child's play to gather an army of willing humans and rogue ponies to take Canterlot."

"Nice plan, but you're missing something."

"Oh? And what might that be?"

"You can't stay in that city forever." He full on laughed now.

"I have no plans on staying in here forever, Mr. Terreson. In fact, I will be out of here in one week, perhaps less. You see, I learned some time ago that in order to truly acquire power, one does not need love. Fear is the key. He who invokes fear in others is nothing short of a god to them. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, I understand. Now you understand something, you soul-sucking worm. When I get to Canterlot, there is a long list of things I'm going to do you. First, I'm gonna tear off your hooves and feed them to you. Then, I'm gonna chop your horn off one centimeter per day. Maybe dip it in gas every hour just so you don't lose the sensation. Any idea what happens next?" Too late. I had felt the presence leave just as I'd finished talking. Good. I didn't want to deal with that freak any more than I had to.

"...erreson?"

"Mr. Terreson?" My eyes popped open into a room filled with light where I was greeted with two cotton candy colored faces.

"Good to see you awake, Mr. Terreson."

"Since you fell asleep, we went ahead and just gave you the scrub-down version of your steam bath." I took a breath, and sure enough, I smelled like mint.

"Thanks." Lotus piped up.

"Oh, before you go, there's somepony here to see you." She gestured over to the door, where I was greeted to the sight of none other than Derpy. My grin widened all the way out as she rushed up to me, giving me a big fuzzy hug.

"Hi, Mr. Treeson!" I held her out at arms length and got a good look at her.

"Hi, Derpy. Got any mail for me, or did you just follow me here?" She grinned.

"Got some mail from Canterlot, actually. I just made it out before that bubble appeared." Her smile went limp, as did my own.

"Hey, don't worry. Getting rid of that thing is next on my to-do list, okay? Now, let's see that letter." She nodded, her grin picking back up a little as she pulled a white envelope out from her bag. I pulled the end off of it and began to read, my eyes bulging as I went. "Oh, man...I've gotta go! Come on, Derpy!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry about the wait on this chapter, but I actually lost the first copy of this document to the depths of my computer. So, I rewrote, and by the time I'd made it to a reasonable place in this story, it was time to update my other main running story, My Little Warriors. Anyway, it's here now, so please leave a review, and I'll see you in the next one.**

I burst through the main door, leaving two unconscious guards in my wake. I didn't have time to deal with these shenanigans right now. "Shining Armor!" He spun about from his wife, looking at me confusedly. "You need to set up a medical team on the west border of the city now!" He trotted over to me, the confusion on his face only growing.

"Why exactly?"

"There's a group of humans on their way in. Friendlies, and a few of them are seriously wounded. Whatever it takes, just get them some medical attention." He nodded, gesturing to one of the few guards in the room, who rushed off immediately.

"Alright, now about retaking Canterlot, I've decided to allow you whatever support we can give, on one condition." Always one condition.

"What?"

"You'll have to pass a test, a bit of insurance, if you will. My wife hasn't seen you in action, so she wants to make sure you'll actually be able to take back the city before we send off our troops to fight a war." Okay, made sense.

"What kind of test?" I heard the door close behind me and a thud across the floor. "Ah." I turned about and for the first time in years I was legitimately scared I might lose a fight. My opponent was a gigantic green stallion with a bright yellow mane that stuck out in all directions. His muscles rippled back and forth as he stomped toward me. As he neared me, Princess Cadance spoke for the first time.

"Mr. Terreson, I understand you're one of the best fighters on Earth, but I can't place the safety of my people on something I've never seen. Prove your skill by beating Fighting Might, and I'll grant you all the forces you need." Great. And it was only getting better, as a magic shell appeared around myself and Fighting Might, turning this into a cage match.

"Alright, big guy. Let's go." He grinned and rushed me, planting his hooves about three feet away from me and bucking at me. I managed to leap out of the way just in time, giving me a few seconds to recover. I came around his flank, grabbing around his neck and pushing off of his back, flipping all the way over his head. I landed with both feet flat on the ground and pulled straight up, throwing myself to the ground in the process. He swung one hoof forward, catching me in the shoulder and throwing me across the ring. I pushed up off the ground, eying him cautiously. He had to weigh four hundred pounds easily, all of it muscle. How do you put down something with perfect balance and an unliftable weight? Only one thing came to mind. I dropped a bit farther down, allowing myself some leverage this time. "Ok, let's try that again."

He rushed me again, leaping into the air this time to tackle me. I dropped to the ground, throwing both legs straight up into his stomach. He lifted back up, propelled by my kick, but skidded to a halt a few yards away. Couldn't use major weak points either. Okay, so now what? I didn't know pony anatomy well enough to attack their pressure points, and I couldn't hope to win this by brawling. Hmmm...oh, now there's an option. This time I rushed him, one fist drawn back and the other one aimed directly at my target. He rolled to the right, leaving me to grab onto his mane and swing around, landing on his other side. He leapt up, trying to crush me underfoot, while I slid backward underneath him and grabbed onto his tail. He wasn't willing to play nice, so neither would I. I planted my right heel and pushed off with my left, dragging him along behind me. He glared back at me, trying to bring his upper body around to meet mine. I waited until he was almost to me, then released him.

He flew through the air, striking the side of the magic cage with two hooves and leaping back off again, initiating another charge at me seamlessly. I had no time to react, simply ducking and throwing an uppercut into his chin. He connected with a right cross, but I think I got more of an impact. We both stumbled back a few feet, clutching our jaws. "They don't call you Fighting Might for nothing, huh?" He grinned at me, cracking his jaw back into place.

"You're no slouch yourself, Terreson." Good to finally put a voice to my opponent, however unintelligible it may have been. He spoke with a strange slur which I attributed to my punch. "But I'm gonna finish this now." He rushed forward on two legs this time, attacking with a left hook (left hoof? Not sure) and a right cross. I fell under them, tackling his midsection and pushing him backwards as well as I could. He reached over me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and lifting me up. He spun about, throwing me against the wall and placing one arm across my neck. "Give up now and I won't have to do this." Even if I'd wanted to answer, I couldn't have. His huge arm was pushing my windpipe to the breaking point. He drew back, smashing a sharpened hoof into my cheek. A huge cut opened along my face along with a bruise and my eyes shut involuntarily. That hit seemed to shake something loose in my head, though, and I saw my entire winning strategy play out before my eyes.

His arm lowered from my neck. Obviously he thought I was unconscious, a mistake that would cost him. He stepped back, and now I made my move. My eyes popped open and I rushed forward, slapping his head to the side. My hand rushed downward, getting a firm hold on the side of his throat. I swung around his body, finding a firm hold on his jugular as I wrapped my other arm around his neck. Before he could react, I had him completely at my mercy. I leaned across to his ear and began to whisper. "Alright, now I'm giving you a choice. Either tap out, or start drowning in your own blood." After a brief internal debate, I heard three hoof taps on the floor.

The magic cage began to collapse back into the floor, and there was Shining Armor and Cadance, both of them gawking at me. I released Fighting Might, giving him a pat on the back as he scurried away, giving the royal pair a quick bow. I turned to them, bowed, and spun around, storming out of the hall.

Ponies skittered out of my way nervously as I made my way down toward the west end of the city. I wasn't sure exactly what I looked like, but it couldn't have been anything nice. As I crested a hill, I saw them. A small mass of humans just across the way, more than a few of whom were limping. I picked up the pace, coming into a jog now. It took me less than three minutes to arrive at the makeshift care center. By the time I got there, five humans were already laid up in beds, and amongst them were ponies I recognized. Discord stood in the back corner while Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Big Mac, Applebloom, Rarity, and a few more I didn't recognize were milling in and out of the bed rows, caring for the wounded. They weren't my primary objective, though. I stormed forward, approaching a man sitting in the chair on the side of the room. He looked up at me and stood, staring me straight in the eyes. All at once, he grabbed me by the shoulder, swung around, and laid me out with one punch.

The room's occupants all snapped around to us, staring in shock and surprise. I pushed myself up off of the ground, staring him right in the eyes as he spoke. "You know what that was for, Joseph." I nodded as I reached up and grabbed him by his own shoulder. My arm came straight up, punching him in the chin. He fell back into his chair, clutching at his face.

"And you know what that was for, Mark." He looked back up at me, nodding. "You didn't come to her funeral."

"You're the reason she needed one." I won't lie, I almost killed him right there.

"I'm not here to fight you. I will if I have to, though, so don't push it." He nodded agreeably. "What happened to you guys, anyway?" He looked down at the ground.

"Everyone here's a Peacekeeper assigned to one of the hamlets outside Canterlot. Just before the city fell, a whole army of ponies and mercenaries swarmed us. We regrouped outside the city, but we've been fighting all the way here. What about you?"

"I got selected as the bodyguard for Celestia about three minutes after I made it through the portal. About three days ago I took one in the shoulder to save her, and by the time I woke up, I was two days away from the city. I got this one a few minutes ago. Had to fight a behemoth, but we've got as much backup as the city can give us to retake Canterlot." He nodded in approval as Applebloom approached, looking up at me.

"So, you two know each other?" I nodded.

"This is Mark Fiston. He's an old friend of mine from back on Earth. We served in the Marines together." She looked a bit confused until I explained. "The Marines are one of America's five primary fighting forces. We're the smallest branch, but we can put up just as much of a fight." The confused look crossed her face again.

"I thought y'all said you used to be a Marine." I chuckled.

"You never stop being a Marine. There's an old saying about us. Marines don't die." I glanced over to Mark, who grinned and finished the sentence for me.

"They go to hell and regroup." I nodded, grinning myself. Applebloom continued to look confused as she strolled off, continuing to care for the rest of the men in the center. "You got a plan?"

I took a breath. I'd been dreading when someone would ask me that question, but it had to happen sometime. "Yeah, but nobody's gonna like it."

"Eliminate the bargaining chips?"

"It's all we can do. He's got an entire city to use as hostages, and we don't have a single thing he wants except for freedom. You know the first rule of negotiations."

"The guy who wants it least wins." I nodded. "Fine, but what if we refuse to give him what he asks for anyway? The city wasn't built for a siege, and my guess is they've got maybe a month's worth of food in there." I shook my head.

"I would if I could, but he's taken the Princesses. Without them, the sun and moon don't move. Luna's been talking to me in my dreams for a few days now, and if she's right, we've got maybe four days until the whole world starts falling apart around us." He took a few deep breaths.

"Well, that's bothersome. Of course, there is one other choice." I glanced over to him, running through my mental encyclopedia of military strategy. If he was thinking what I thought he was thinking, we'd have to have words.

"Spies?"

"Spies." I rubbed my chin.

"It's not the worst idea I've ever heard, but we're dealing with exactly zero training here. Blank slates." He glanced over to me.

"What were we in boot camp?" He had a point, but...

"We were also the prodigies. Nobody caught on as quickly as we did." He shook his head.

"Don't rope me into this. Nobody caught on as quickly as you did. You act like you never knew how to fight before Special Ops, but you and I both know different. I just got stuck as your battle buddy, so everyone assumed it was mutual." I pursed my lips.

"Sure, but I can't expect everyone to be a prodigy. We've got four days to train a force to take back the biggest city in the world." He shrugged.

"Do it the old fashioned way. Get everyone you can, train 'em until they drop, then train 'em some more. Whoever's still around on day four goes into the city with us." I took a deep breath. It was my best option, but I still didn't like it.

"Alright. Training will start tomorrow. For now, I'm going to go see if I can get a bed. I'm bushed." He nodded, leaning back in his chair. I strolled off, hopping into an empty bed at the end of the room. The fatigue from my battle with Fighting Might had begun to strain me, and it was mere moments before my eyes drifted shut.

I was alone this time in my dream. I looked down into my hands and there was a recorder in my left hand. Instinctively, I pressed the play button on the tape runner. A clip of my own voice along with Mark's echoed through the room. _"Eliminate the bargaining chips?"_

_ "It's all we can do."_ The recording stopped, leaving me to think about that. I stared at the little box, taking a deep breath. I'd been noticing it in subtle amounts ever since I'd started working for Celestia. The old me, the me I didn't like, was coming back up to the surface. He wouldn't have hesitated to kill an entire city for the sake of a job to be done. I looked back, berating myself for taking this job to begin with. I should have known what it would do, but I couldn't have. How could I have seen something of this magnitude coming?

"Mr. Terreson." It was the Changeling.

"What do you want, freak?" He chuckled at my attempts to insult him.

"I simply wanted to speak with you. I can't help but notice your little struggle there, and I thought I'd do you a favor and talk it over with you." His tone was layered so thick with sarcasm it was almost disgusting.

"You want to help? How about you go find a glue factory?" His laughing ceased immediately. I couldn't help but grin. Sore spot found.

"Entertaining as you may be, Mr. Terreson, you know why I'm really here. You're planning something, and I want to know what." I raised an eyebrow.

"Give me something that resembles a reason that I should give you anything." The play button clicked down on the recorder, and I heard a sickeningly familiar sound. It was the sound of flesh being struck with a hard object repeatedly. Then came the voice. That whimper that could only have belonged to one pony. "Luna! Are you alright?!" The Changeling chuckled once again as the play button popped up.

"She can't hear you. But she knows full well that your failure to cooperate with me is what is causing her pain. Tell me what I want to know, and her suffering stops." I swallowed, my fists clenching in uncontrollable rage.

"Pay very close attention to me here. Because one day, very soon, I'm going to come to Canterlot. I'll find you in the city, wherever you are, and I'll come up behind you, and I'll tear your throat out. When I find you, I am going to send you to a deep, dark place, and I am gonna have fun doing it." His presence left me, and instead, the button on the recorder clicked on again. This time there were two voices, Luna's and Celestia's, both screaming in pain. I rolled into a ball, regretting now more than ever my decision to go to sleep. I resorted, finally, to just muttering my only thought over and over again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."


	11. Chapter 11

I burst out of the bed in a cold sweat. It was still dark out, but there was no way I was going back to sleep. Instead, I walked over to Mark's chair, shaking him by the shoulder. He popped right awake, blinking a few times before focusing his vision on me. "What's up?"

"Come on. Spot me." He didn't ask any more questions. It was something of an unspoken agreement between us that one would never ask the other anything about his nightmares. It complicated things too much. He leaned forward out of the chair, following me out of the building.

Ten minutes later, he stood on the top of the nearest flat-roofed building with me laying off the side of it. He kept count for me, but I didn't really care. Up, down, up, down, build my strength. "98, 99, 100, 101, you ain't done yet." He had seen the first beads of sweat go across my face. Up, down, up, down. Every time I felt like my abs might give out, I focused on that recorder. That was my ultimate enemy. The sounds that came through that recorder would never stop unless I got stronger than I'd ever been. Up, down.

When I reached the 250 mark, he stepped off my feet, letting me up onto the roof. "Come on, I think there's a gym a block away." We jogged down the street, coming eventually to a tiny little gym. I rushed inside, picking up the nearest jumprope and going to town. I'd need my heart rate up a bit before the main event. "Alright, pick up the pace, Joseph." All my feet were doing now was keeping me in one place. As soon as a foot touched, it went back up. "Come on, you can go faster than that!" I grimaced, forcing myself into an even faster pace, allowing the rope to pass double under a single jump. I barely noticed that by this point I had a few spectators. "Alright, on the bag. Move it!" I leapt into the lone boxing ring in the corner, squaring up to the bag.

Instinctively, I started dancing with it. "Alright, jab, jab!" I threw a quick cross combo into the centerpiece. "One two!" Left cross, right cross. "Uppercut!" My whole body weight swung inward, driving my fist upward into the bag. "Tear that Changeling up, Joseph!" He wasn't wrong. All I could see on that bag was Flash Sentry's face, and I sent a right cross followed by a left hook straight into it. "Come on, faster, faster!" My arms were up to steam now, keeping the bag off of it's normal swing point. "Punch, punch, PUNCH!" I finished off my two minute cross combo and stepped back. "Alright, let it rip." I drew back, picturing the Changeling once again. I'm not sure if what I yelled was coherent or not, but I know it was angry, and I know it worked. As my fist made contact with the bag, the whole bottom half flew up, flipping it off the hook. It fell onto the ring, flopping down in the corner. "Alright, you got yourself figured out?" I nodded, taking a deep breath.

"Thanks, Mark." I hopped off the ring, leaving the bag in a crumpled heap leaking sand from a hundred wounds.

"They're waiting on you." I nodded, unwrapping my hands and turning around, looking through the tinted glass at the crowds on the other side.

"Time to get down to business." I strolled through the door, and everyone backed up a few feet, save the ones I already knew. Applebloom actually stepped up next to me, gazing up at me in admiration.

"Wow, Mr. Terreson. I ain't never seen anypony fight like that. Y'all must be the toughest human ever!" I couldn't help but crack a grin.

"Not quite, but I appreciate it. But enough about me. You should probably head on back to the castle. I've got some work to do." She gave me a skeptical look, but turned around and trotted off without further questions. I looked out across the crowd and took a breath. "So, who here is willing to help me save your world? How many among you are ready for war?" A shocking amount of silence. "Your Princesses are, as we speak, being tortured for the amusement of a Changeling. Your entire way of life is at stake, and it rests in your hooves. I ask once again, who among you is ready for war?!" There was a bit of cheering through the crowd, but not what I was looking for. "I ask change of you, and the possibility of loss. It's easy for me to go to war, I am a human. You all know our world was built on war, built on change and loss. Gain is never achieved without sacrifice. Should we sit here idly, this world will fall. But if we become an army, if we stop this madness now, this world will become stronger than it has ever been. You shall all become stronger than you have ever been!" Silence, then a huge wave of cheering. "Now, who among you is ready?" They all rushed me, raising their hooves in the air, volunteering eagerly. Good, that was what I wanted to see. "Then follow me!" I jogged around the building, heading for the grass field just off the city's border. They followed, their hooves beginning to shake the ground beneath me.

By the time we reached the field, I was surprised they hadn't leveled a building. I took a rough head count of my troops, and I realized at this point that I was a bit in over my head. "Are you Joseph Terreson?" I looked around, trying to find the voice, and it's source lowered onto the ground from above me. A group of unicorns in royal armor.

"I am." Sweet. I wouldn't have to train all of these ponies by myself. "I'm going to assume Shining Armor sent you."

"Actually, I did." I looked up again and there was a notably larger pony lowering to the ground.

"Princess Cadence?" She grinned at me through her helmet. "You're fighting too?"

"I insisted. Shining Armor's already left for Canterlot to work on their shield spell, so I'll be training alongside you. One way or another, I'll be helping you retake the city." I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.

"Have you ever fought before?" Without saying another word, she shouldered a spear from the nearest guard, placing her weight into the back end and flinging it in a perfect arc, snatching an apple off of a nearby tree.

"Once or twice." Cute.

"Alright, then. But I'll warn you, you're not getting any special treatment here. I'm training you for war." She nodded firmly. "Alright. LINE UP!" Those nearest to me looked a bit shocked, but lined up after a few seconds of scuffling. I stood at the center of the line, looking back and forth along it. "You are about to embark on the most difficult journey of your life. For the next four days, you're going to hate everything about me. But I am your savior, make no mistake about that. I will teach you to survive on the field of battle, I will teach you to succeed over your enemy, and most importantly, I will train you so that you can carry out both of those tasks.

"There are three rules. The first rule is that you are now at war. I am your enemy and your teacher. From this point forward until this war is over, you are always seconds away from death, am I understood?" There is a general chorus of 'yes'. "I SAID AM I UNDERSTOOD?!"

"YES SIR!"

"That's more like it. Second rule, you are to use all the senses available to you at all times. It is more than possible for you to know your entire set of surroundings by taking less than five seconds to understand them, less when you train for it. Common sense is one of these senses, and I, as your teacher, will not ask you anything that you will be incapable of doing unless you fail to use your common sense. Do you know what that means? That means I do not ever want to hear 'I didn't know.' Am I understood?"

"YES SIR!"

"Fine listening. The third and final rule is that no matter what I teach you, no matter what orders I give you, if you find a better solution than mine, you take it. We're too outgunned for everyone to be second guessing themselves. Am I understood?

"YES SIR!" I nodded.

"Good. Training begins now. MOVE OUT!" I spun about, jogging in the opposite direction. Once again the ground began to shake behind me as they took to my pace. I waited for about ten minutes, lulling them into a false sense of security. That tall patch of grass up ahead was my landmark. Three...two...one... "DROP!" I fell straight to the ground, as did about half of my crew. The rest of them stumbled over their comrades, crumbling to the ground after a delay. I stood up, spinning around. "These are reflexes you need, people! When I say drop, you drop. When I say jump, you don't ask how high. You jump as high as you can. Listen up, and you might survive this thing." They had all worked their way back to their feet, and an idea had just come to me. "Alright, we're far enough out of town now. Pair into groups. Time for combatives." They grouped together, milling about for a little less than a minute. I ended up with Cadence, as nobody seemed willing to fight her. "Alright, here's your objective. You are to get your opponent's face to touch the ground by whatever means necessary. Once this is done, the loser can feel free to do push ups until everyone else is done. Got it?"

"YES SIR!"

"Good. Begin!" And suddenly the whole field was a huge mass of one-on-one combat. I turned to my own opponent, squaring up to her. She stood lower than Celestia and Luna, only coming up to my navel. "Are you ready?"

"Are you?" She launched herself at me, swinging both hooves down onto my shoulders. I dropped, throwing both arms straight up and wrapping my hands around her arms. She pulled back, giving me the opportunity I was looking for. My body weight swung backward, flipping me around and placing my full weight on her chest. She fell, catching herself with her back legs and flipping around to push me down. I caught myself in the same fashion, leaving us back to back, holding onto the other's arms.

"Not too shabby. You know how to use those wings, that's for sure." She growled, leaving me a bit uncertain as to her current mental state. She planted one hoof on my left side, pulling me around. Another opening, this one a bit less obvious. I pulled straight down on her arms, swinging my body around her neck and dragging her arms behind me. She spun once, twice, and stopped, pushing me to one knee. I swung one leg out, raking her hooves out from under her and yanking her to the ground. Her head struck first, dazing her long enough for me to regain my feet.

"Agh...ow..." I cracked a half smile.

"You're alright, but you'll need to learn to use that power a lot better to be ready for this." She nodded as she regained her feet.

"Whatever it takes."

After sixteen hours of intermittent combatives, running, and strategy exercises, my entire crew stood before me panting, sweating, and exhausted. I looked to the west and saw the sun setting. "Alright. You're all doing well, but we're going to need more before this is done." Even Rainbow Dash, whom I had taken for an incredible athlete, seemed to despair at this.

"Tell me tomorrow's training won't be like this?!" I grinned, lowering my eyebrows.

"No, of course not. Tomorrow's will be twice as bad." The whole lot groaned, and I decided to let them. "You'll be released four hours later than this tomorrow, so get as much rest as you can. We start at sunrise. Move out!" They dispersed quickly, trotting to their homes immediately. All except for Cadence. She sauntered up to me, eying me closely and carefully.

"How are you not sweating?" I looked down at myself. "You worked yourself just as hard as us out there."

"It's not my type of work. This morning in the gym was my type of work. In fact, you'll hear it again tonight if I'm not mistaken." She cocked her head at me, but made no further remark. "Now, if you'll excuse me." I turned about, walking straight back to the shelter.

As I cracked the door open, careful not to wake the injured, Mark raised an eyebrow at me from across the room. "Nice training. You'll have them whipped into shape in no time at this pace." I raised one right back.

"I can't tell if that was sarcasm or not." He shook his head.

"It wasn't. I haven't seen you in the zone like that in years." I twisted my neck, enjoying the cracking it emitted.

"Well, there's a reason for that. It uses up too much energy. I'm bushed." He chuckled, lifting himself off the bed and gesturing to it in mock courtesy. I took him up on the offer, flopping into the bed and shutting my eyes immediately.

"Mr. Terreson." Oh, COME ON!

"What do you want?" He chuckled in my ear.

"What does anypony want? Fame, glory, power? Revenge?" This last word had a bit more emphasis on it.

"What could you possibly want revenge for?" He huffed, obviously disgusted at my ignorance.

"Of course you wouldn't know. My queen, the great Chrysalis, invaded Canterlot a few years ago. Unfortunately, due to an unforeseen mishap, she and all of my people were banished from Equestria by a single unicorn. Imagine my shame and horror when I discovered that I was the last Changeling in the land."

"Why the shame? It doesn't seem like you're ashamed now of being a worthless piece of-"

"As I was saying, I took it upon myself to avenge my people. I used all of my cumulative knowledge acquired through my queen's teachings to create Flash Sentry, the perfect colt to fool the world. And the idiots fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Now I am the true master of the Changeling race!"

"Big whoop. Let's be honest, ever since your people were banished, that just equates to being your own boss. For crying out loud, at least your queen had the common sense enough to give herself a name." He growled, but came to a halt as he heard my second sentence.

"You know, I do believe you're right, Mr. Terreson. I do need a name. Any ideas?"

"A few. Most of them with four letters."

"Ah, here we are. From this day forth, I will be known as...Regen." I was silenced for a moment. As much as I hated to admit it, the name was pretty cool. "Do you like it? You'd best get used to it, because you're going to be hearing that name a lot for...oh...the rest of your life." I sneered into the darkness.

"Not a chance, Regen." He chuckled, and suddenly he appeared before me. For the first time, I got a good look at him as he truly was. His skin was a sickening green, filled with holes. He reminded me of some sort of bug. He grinned at me, displaying a mouthful of sharpened teeth.

"What do you think, Terreson? Does it suit me?"

"A name is a name. You, on the other hand, look like the plague-ridden, arrogant son of a bitch you are." His eyes narrowed, and his mouth began to curl into a grin.

"Very well, Mr. Terreson. I'll make sure the Princesses get a good idea of how much you care fo them." My eyes bulged and I threw myself at him in anger, but I was too late.

I leapt out of the bed, kicking the blanket off of my leg halfway down the hallway. I slapped Mark on the shoulder as I passed. "Spot me."


End file.
